Balancing Act
by green-gremlin
Summary: SB/OC Sometimes things happen which make your world turn upside down. How are you meant to survive when nothing is right? When the person who balanced you is no longer around. This was written for the star sign challenge.M for language and later parts.
1. Friends, Romans, And Lies

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and if i did i'd be rich, which i'm not!**

**Special thanks to Wastelandrose, who actually set the Zodiac challenge years ago, and puts up with my sparadic muses. (Incase you wondered, I'm Libra)**

* * *

"Wow, I almost forgot how much you two looked a like" breathed George looking at an old photograph he had found in your bag, "Do you still miss her Bill?". What sort of question was that? He might have been your best friend, but he was really stupid sometimes. Ever since the accident seven years ago, he was the only constant you had known. The only person willing to talk about what had been lost that day, but still he annoyed you sometimes.

"She was my sister" you stated coldly, thinking of that smiling face you used to see every day, "My twin sister, what do you think?". George grinned an apologetic smile at you, seeming to realize how stupid his question had just been. He had never had any siblings and you and your twin had been the closest he had ever had to a brother and sister. After the accident his family had taken you in and looked after you, until you started school. You still spent the summers with them, but chose to stick around school during the other holidays, more content with being alone and solitary, with your own thoughts and memories. Of course it was never that easy, as you had a lot of friends and there was always someone there.

"Sorry, stupid question" George chuckled, turning slightly red. His green eyes caught the light slightly as he returned to gazing down at the picture of the three of you when you were nine, a year before life took an unexpected turn which you can't escape from. "She was really beautiful" he murmured, more to himself than to you, as his thumb ran slowly across the picture, "Remember when we put that toad in her bed, I thought your mum was going to kill us". You chuckled along with your friend, thinking back to all the time you three had spent together and the pranks you had played on each other.

"Yeah, mum wasn't impressed" you muttered, slouching in the seat within your carriage and wondering where your other friends had gotten to. It wasn't unusual for them to arrive later than you, usually just as the train was beginning to leave but it still annoyed you that they weren't there to help change the subject from your dead family. You had managed to keep the picture hidden from your best friend throughout your Hogwarts career, only looking at it in the scarce moments when you were alone in the Ravenclaw dormitory. But of course something's couldn't stay hidden forever and this part of your past was one of them.

"Sorry Billy" George said, handing the picture back to you, "Been hogging the photo, but it's a lot better than any of the ones Mum and Dad have of us". You smiled a forgiving smile, showing him you didn't mind. Secretly you were praying that this would be the end of the conversation, and you could go back to hiding the horrors of your past and being the easy going person everyone knew you as. "I miss Autumn" he finally stated, staring intently at you, "she was always such a laugh". You nodded slowly. "I know no one believes it, but you two were identical" he continued, a far off look in his eye.

"Male and Female twins can not be identical" interrupted a voice from the door, "They're from different eggs to start with". Looking up you met the kindly face of Remus Lupin. You had studied along side he ever since the first year, and got a long brilliantly with him. He was also the one responsible for saving you from being pranked on several occasions by the rest of the infamous Marauders.

"Fine, don't believe me" stated George flatly, looking pretty sulky at being interrupted, "Just show him the picture Billy". Sighing deeply you handed the picture to Remus, who had sat down beside you by this point. Remus stared at the photo for a moment before looking back up at you.

"Which one are you?" he asked serious, looking between you and the photo, "George was right when he said you and your sister were identical". You smiled weakly at Remus, taking the photo from him and placing it safely in your bag.

"No one knows" laughed George, once again happy to be proven right, "I don't think we even knew at the time, isn't that right Billy boy". You nodded your agreement to him, not happy in the least that the conversation was still on your sibling and that damn photo which just had to fall out of one of your books when you were looking through your bag.

"Knew what?" asked a loud voice from the door, as two familiar faces appeared. They both strutted in, looking like they hadn't changed at all during the summer and fell down in the two seats next to George. "What's you all talking about?" he asked, leaning forward and allowing his black hair to frame his face fully as he stared deeply into your eyes.

"Nothing Sirius" you yawn, fighting the urge to laugh at this fully grown child. He hadn't even realized he had chocolate on the side of his mouth, making him look even funnier. James wasn't much better, but at least he had realized about the chocolate on his face and was busy trying to fix the problem, with little success. "So tell me, what you three been up to this summer?" you asked casually, for some reason it was easier to talk and change the subject when James and Sirius were around. When it was just George or Remus, you felt weaker, like you had no right to be an equal within the conversation. But these two always put you at ease and made you feel like an equal.

"Spent the whole thing at Prongs place" Sirius stated confidently, slouching in his chair in almost the same manner as you, "Got a lot of Quiditch practice in, Yourself Will?" As he was speaking, he subconsciously played with his hair, wrapping it around his fingers and flicking it slightly. It was weird to watch him doing this, yet somehow natural.

"Read, played Quiditch, listened to music" you stated coolly, "same old, same old". The smirk which met this comment almost made you blush. For some reason Sirius was certain that 'Same old, Same old' was something sexual. "What about you Remus?" you asked, ignoring Sirius' sniggers.

"Same as you really" Remus said kindly, grinning weakly at Sirius' immature behaviour, "Minus the Quiditch of course". Everyone in the carriage grinned at this. Remus was famous for being the only honour roll student to have failed flying three times due to a fear of heights. Actually, he was the only student ever in the history of Hogwarts to have failed flying three times, even the muggle born students got the hang of it better than Remus and the only reason he wasn't still taking it was due to the Headmaster using his power to make the flying professor give Remus a passing mark after the third time. The rest of you didn't mind reminding him of this fact either, even Lily had been known to bring it up. Just as you thought her name, the familiar red head poked her head into the carriage.

"Hi Boys" she greeted, smiling at you and Remus before walking over to James and perching on his lap. The two had been dating since Christmas the previous year and were still going strong. You could tell from the way they looked at each other that they were soul mates, even before they got over fighting and started dating. Every time you saw them together you found yourself feeling a little jealous, knowing you would never know the happiness they knew. Only one person had ever balanced you, and they were gone, never to return.

"How was your summer Lily?" Remus asked kindly, smiling at the girl opposite him. She turned a little in James' lap so she could look at the pair of you as she spoke.

"It was ok, Petunia is a bitch" she said happily, "But I got to spend time with my boyfriend, so I didn't mind". You smiled back at her, before something hard hit your forehead. Looking down at your lap, you found a small sweet. Looking up, you saw Sirius launch another from a bag he was holding, right at your head. This one, like the previous one, bounced off your forehead. He just grinned innocently at you, mischief shinning in his eyes.

"Still not grown out of that?" you asked, just before another sweet hit you. Every year since your first year Sirius had used a whole bag of sweets for throwing at you. According to James, he had even made up rules and a scoring method to go with it. Every year he did it, often more on one occasion during the year, and every year you tried to find a way out of it with no success. But this year you were determined to succeed. "Still a little baby are you?" you asked in a condescending tone, raising an eyebrow at him, and almost being hit in the eye by a green sweet he had just fired.

"Yep" was his simple response as he pulled out another sweet and took aim. Before he could fire this one though, you were out of your seat and running out of the carriage. You heard the ping of something hitting glass, as your closed the carriage door, hoping to slow him down slightly. Looking from side to side for a second, you took off towards the toilets and changing rooms, hoping to see someone to hide you on the way. If no one appeared then you could just hide in the toilets for a bit until he got bored or found another victim. You had only passed two carriages when another sweet hit you meaning Sirius was on your tail. "You can't escape Maxwell" he chuckled, firing another sweet and just missing your head, "I will catch you, I always do". You just speeded up, no longer looking in the carriages, determined to reach the toilets before he caught you.

"Whatever you say Black" you yelled back, and then you made a mistake. Turning slightly you glanced behind you at him, only to end up tripping over your own feet and falling down on your bottom. Before you knew what was happening, you were flat on your back with Sirius sat on your stomach, an evil grin on his face.

"Told you" he chuckled before pulling out another sweet and firing at your forehead. For the next five minutes you lay there with sweets bouncing off your head. Listening to Sirius' amused laughter. Finally he finished the bag of sweets and was left just sitting on you, looking down at you, as your hair lay sprawled around your head. His expression seemed to falter for a second before he jumped up grinning and pulled you to your feet. "You should really learn to run Will" he told you, slapping you hard on the back as you both walked back to the compartment, "Honestly, you run like a girl". As you entered the carriage you discovered that George and Remus had left, leaving James and Lily to their own devices.

"Save it for your private rooms" you teased, flopping back down in your seat, and grinning evilly at them. It hadn't surprised you when Lily had written to tell you she was head girl. The only person it seemed to actually have surprised was Lily herself. But when James had informed you all he was head boy, you were a little more shocked. Everyone had been sure it would be you or Remus who got the position, not that you minded. Being head boy would only mean more responsibilities and work, and you had your academic standing to think of.

"We wouldn't have to wait if you'd go away!" James responded coolly, although his eyes shone with humour. He stretched out on the seats, pulling his blushing girlfriend into his lap. This only left a seat beside you for Sirius to sit in, which he happily took. You both slouched back into the seats, stretching your legs forward in the same manner and grinning with each other. When people said you weren't a typical Ravenclaw they weren't lying, You were much more likely to be found messing around with one of your friends than studying. It was just the information seemed to stick in your mind without you having to keep re-reading it. Of course you did revise, and work hard on all your assignments, it just took you less time than most, meaning you had more time to play Quiditch and hang out with your friends.

"So, who caught the Harpies game last week?" you asked happily, remembering watching the match with George and listening to his comments about several of their players. It had been a fun 13 hours, until Lucy Savon caught the snitch. Then you had dragged yourself back to Georges only to be nagged at by his parents for staying out to late and not letting them know you were going to be late. It wasn't as if you could predict how long the game would last and it had been a brilliant game.

"Didn't see it, but read about it in the Prophet" James said, curling Lily's hair around his finger, "Were you there?". You nodded to him, smiling broadly. You knew very well how jealous this would make him, now you knew he hadn't been able to get tickets for it. "OMG not fair" he moaned right on queue, pouting into Lily's neck. You and Sirius ended up laughing so hard at this that you were relying on each other for support. James just sat there pouting, causing Lily to join in laughing at him, but not as hard as you and Sirius were.

"God, wondered who was making all the noise" chuckled a voice from the door a few minutes later, "I'm not really surprised". Slowing your breathing and calming down you smiled at the newest arrival.

"Hi Kitty" you finally breathed, calm enough to speak once more, "Just teasing Potter about the Harpies game". Kitty, otherwise known as Katherine Jacob, just rolled her eyes at you. Katherine was a fellow Ravenclaw, who didn't share your unique sense of humour, but still got a long with you really well. During third year there had been a rumour she fancied you, but you both had put it down to a girl and boy being friends and didn't think anything else about it. You had been forced to tutor her once, when she actually managed to fail a potions test.

"Still haven't grown up them William" she stated, giggling slightly at you, "So how was it?". Everyone seemed to go quiet at this question, desperate to hear you valuable opinion on the game.

"Brilliant" you answered, grinning "But that's mainly due to George's commentary". Lily snorted at this statement, but it didn't deter you. "I was worth the money to, they played for almost 13 hours, longest game I've ever seen".

"Yeah, I heard it went on for ages" Sirius interrupted, turning in his seat and sitting crossed legged, staring intently at you, "So meet any hot chicks?" You snorted at this comment, it was just so Sirius it was unbelievable. Everything Sirius ever told you he managed to bring in something about girls, usually about how many or how few hot ones there were.

"No I didn't Black" you said, rolling your eyes, "How about you? How's your love life?" You mimicked his position, so you were sat crossed legged facing him. You heard the other three inhabitants of the carriage groan at this question.

"Well we'd better get off and do our head duty's" Lily said, jumping up and pulling James up behind her, "Catch you all later". You waved you goodbyes as the two slunk out of the carriage, not thinking twice about their lame excuse.

"Well I don't want to listen to this" Katherine stated, never been one to waist her time making up excuses, "See you at the feast". As she left you heard the door slide closed and you were alone with Sirius, ready to hear his bragging about his romance life.

"You should of seen this blonde the other day" he began leaning forward and rocking slightly, "Such eyes". His eyes were so distant as he spoke, as if he was thinking about the girl, but suddenly he seemed to focus on you again. His expression faltering for the second time that day, his eyes bore into your own for a second before he turned away. "It doesn't matter" he muttered, leaning back in his seat, "Nothing major". He behaviour startled you. He had never held back from a chance to brag before, but something about you had stopped him from ranting on about this girl he had met. It threw you completely. Sirius had always been one of your closest friends, yet suddenly he was acting differently around you.

"Right" you said slowly, trying to shake the weird feeling you were suddenly getting off your best friend. He just kept staring a head of himself, hardly moving, as the seconds ticked by. "Want to play a game of exploding snap or something?" you finally asked, desperate to go back to how the two of you usually acted around each other.

"Sure" Sirius said, as bright and cheerful as ever, turning back to face you as if nothing weird had just happened. Grinning back at him, you rummaged through your bag until you finally found the pack of cards.

* * *

You played several noisy and humorous games before the carriage door once again opened. You and Sirius both looked up from your games at the new comer to find Remus laughing at the pair of you.

"How is it that you two always end up covered in soot when left in each others company?" he asked, stepping into the carriage and closing the door behind him. Subconsciously you found yourself reaching up and rubbing your nose which turned out to be covered in soot.

"Just lucky I guess" Sirius responded, grinning manically at Remus, soot making his face blend into his hair. This only caused Remus to laugh harder, falling down in your empty seat and beginning to rummage in your bag. You would have been furious if anyone else had done that, but you trusted Remus, and knew he wouldn't damage any of your stuff or pry into anything he might find within there. Finally he put your bag back down, pulling out your copy of IThe art of War/I by Sun Tzu.

"Still reading this?" he asked, flipping through the first few pages and grinning at you. It was the same book you had been reading on that fateful day when you had first met the marauders and become firm friends with them. Even though you had read it so many times you could almost recite it, you still loved it. Remus had read in during third year, but he was the only person you knew who had also read it.

"Like I keep telling you" Sirius declared, "If you want to know the real art of war, just watch us Marauders with the Slytherins". It was always his response to seeing that book. Somehow during the first you he had managed to form the idea that the constant pranks they played on the Slytherins was actually intricate warfare, far surpassing anything ever seen before. There were many parallels between the way the Marauders pranked the Slytherins and the five constants Sun Tzu deemed to be vital to victorious war fare.

"I know Sirius" you chuckled, moving over to sit beside Remus, your legs a little stiff from sitting on the carriage floor for so long. Stretching your legs once again, you grinned at Sirius' confused expression. "After all Sirius IAll warfare is based on deception./I". Remus chuckled at this, and Sirius just looked even more confused by it.

"You saying we're deceitful then?" he finally asked, trying to wrap his head around what you had just quoted from Sun Tzu's work. You couldn't help but chuckle at how confused he now looked, sprawled at your feet, gazing up like some wide eyed child given a Nuclear reactor and told to use it.

"No I'm just saying you posses the talents of a good leader" you stated calmly, "After all, you always IAttack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected/I". The smug look which crossed Sirius' face at hearing this was enough for you to know that he wasn't as confused as he had been, or he was just happy to have a complement. It was impossible to tell with him.

"Anyway" Remus finally said, replacing the book in your bag and looking around, "Fancy some Slytherin hunting Padfoot?" Finally, after almost two hours you were going to get the peace you desired. It wasn't that you disliked your friends, or begrudged them your company, it was just you needed a little space now and then to sort through your thoughts and relax.

"Aren't I always Moony?" Sirius laughed heartily, jumping up and shaking his head in a manner which always reminded you of a dog. Running your handkerchief over his face, he managed to remove all the soot which had previously caked it, and once again looked like the handsome young man he was known as being. "Catch you in a bit Will" he said brightly, waving slightly at you before walking straight into the door. Roaring with laughter, you struggled to remain seated as Remus got up and dragged Sirius once again to his feet.

"The door slides open, see" he said in a condescending tone, pushing the door open in demonstration, "See you in a bit William". With that said they were gone, leaving you to your own thoughts and nightmares.

"Isn't something missing?" you asked the air quietly, before laying back in the seat and closing your eyes, hoping to find a release you had never known behind them.

* * *

**Sirius' Point of view**

"Shh, he's asleep" you whispered, snorting slightly as you tried not to laugh. As usual the Slytherins hadn't expected anything until it was to late. You knew Lily wouldn't be impressed when she found out what had happened, but then again, when was she ever impressed by something you did. The only boy who ever seemed to truly impress her fully was William, and you had no idea why. Falling down in one of the seats opposite him, you watched Remus moving some of William's things about so that there was more room within the carriage and he didn't lose anything.

"You don't say Padfoot" Remus teased. He had been picking on you ever since you had managed to walk into the compartment door. You hadn't meant to look that un cool and do that, but there was something else on your mind, or more exactly someone else. You weren't renowned for being clumsy, that was Williams field of expertise, yet all of the sudden you found yourself doing the most stupid things.

"No need to be sarcastic" you snapped back putting your feet up on the seat he was about to take. Rolling his eyes, he just sat down on top of your legs, squashing them effectively. "Fine, Fine I'll move them" you grumbled pushing him off you, and swinging your feet back down to the floor, "Moody, must be about your time of the month, you're PMSing". Remus just rolled his eyes again at this, falling into the now empty seat and pulling out a book.

"What ever you say Mutt" he muttered, making sure to keep his voice low she he didn't disturb William, "Like I haven't heard that before". It was true that ever since you had found out about Remus' furry little problem, you hadn't been able to stop yourself from making jokes about his time of the month, but he made it sound like you were always cracking them, which just wasn't true. Slouching back in your seat, the compartment fell into silence, except for the slight snores coming from William and the sound of Remus sporadically turning the pages of his book. You always hated these, as Remus called them, IDown times/I. You had always been a rather active person, and finding yourself stuck in your own head instead of chatting with one of your friends, or messing around was your idea of hell. But still you sat there silently, not really doing anything but thinking about a pair of overly large eyes which had been stuck in the back of your mind all summer. It felt weird returning to Hogwarts, knowing you could never have the person those eyes belonged to. Suddenly you found yourself pulled from your thoughts by whimpering. Focusing on William once again, you found him tossing and turning on the seat, wrapped within the realms of a night vision. His lanky form seeming almost brittle as he tore from side to side, whimpering and mewling.

"Should we wake him?" you asked Remus quietly, unsure what to do. You didn't like waking people but William seemed almost terrified by what he was seeing. None of your friends deserved the amount of pain you could now see on Williams face, but you didn't know what to do to help.

"Yeah" Remus said, sounding almost as worried as you, "That would probably be best". You stood up quickly, determined to help him no matter what. Now you knew that Remus agreed with you, you weren't so worried about waking him. Instead your mind was racing with questions about what William was currently seeing behind his closed eyes. Reach down, you softly touch his shoulder, ready to shake him awake, but it turned out you didn't need to, because as you touched him, his eyes sprang open, staring straight up into your own. Eyes which held the darkness in his soul. Something hidden deep within them which you couldn't name. The next second it was gone and once again the William you knew stared up at you.

* * *

**William's point of view**

IIt was raining. It was always raining here. Every time you visited you knew you would be cleansed by the constant rain. A brown girl in hand me downs, whose name you never could pronounce, was sat on the curb in front of you. Tears streaking down her cheeks and mixing with the rain drops effortlessly. She was seventeen, she would always be seventeen, until the end of time. A voice called from inside the house, causing her to turn and look at the open front door behind her. There stood a brown eyed man you never could forget, his smile oddly like the girls as he beckoned her over to him. Following silently through the puddles, never disturbing the crystal pools you entered the house with the brown eyed girl. The man instantly pulled her into a hug.

"Don't worry Hiver" he whispered, just loud enough for you to hear, just as you had heard a million times before, "You'll get over this and then one day your prince charming will come along and you will never think about Cael again". The brown eyed girl smiled a watery smile into his chest, nodding her head slightly to him. "So how about the five of us go to dinner?" he asked brightly, pulling back a little to smile down at the girl which looked so much like him, "We can go to that muggle place you like to go on about". The brown eyed girl actually managed a genuine smile at this.

"Thanks daddy" she whispered, casting a quick drying spell over herself, once again revealing the bright blonde of her hair which the rain had previously dulled.

"Hi honey" a women greeted, walking into the room, and dragging two identical blonde children behind her, both dressed in matching green rain coats and sporting identical scowls. The women held out two coats to the brown eyed girl and man. "Ready?" she asked kindly, grabbing the collar of one of the twins without even looking, to prevent it from running off. The man grinned at the pair before stepping forward to kiss the woman.

"Always am darling" he whispered to her lips, before pulling back and scoping up one of the twins, and grabbing the others hand as her took them out towards the car. Hiver and the woman followed quickly, pulling up their hoods as they stepped into the downpour. By the time they were both sat in the car, the man had managed to strap in the twins, who were defiantly not happy about having to go out in the rain. "Right, lets go" the man laughed, jumping into the front and turning the car on. As you watched them take off down the road fear began to take over you. Both of the twins had started screaming and kicking, not giving up no matter what their mother and sister told them. But their father didn't say anything, he just smiled and kept his eyes on the road.

"For the last time you two, stop it" screeched the woman from the front seat, taking off her seat belt and turning around to face the pair. Almost as if you were in a trance you turned to look out of the right hand window, and saw it. The silver form of doom. As your eyes widened at the ever approaching form of death, something pressed your shoulder, anchoring you down and pulling you back to the present. /I

Your eyes shot open, and were instantly greeted by the worry filled grey of Sirius' eyes. No one else had eyes as grey as his, so you instantly knew it was him. Blinking a few times, you calmed yourself down, before sitting up and looking around. You were sick of these dreams, but you weren't going to share them with anyone.

"Ok Will?" Sirius asked, falling down into the seat beside you and grinning at you. His eyes still shone with worry though. Very few people knew this Sirius. Everyone just saw the hyper active, trouble maker. Not many got to see the caring friend this exterior hid. "Seemed like a rough dream" he continued, elbowing you slightly as he tried to make you smile, "Or was it just a bit to kinky for you?". You actually grinned at this. As usual everything had come back to sex. Typical of conversations with Sirius.

"Of course Sirius" you chuckled, slouching again in your chair and grinning across at Remus, "How well you know me". You all laughed for a bit, just playing around and cracking jokes with each other. The horrors from your dream quickly washing away, as you relaxed around your friends. You were returning to the only place you had ever felt at home since the accident. Granted this was the final time you would ever return to Hogwarts. But once it was over you could live the life you and your twin used to dream of. Nothing would be left to hold you down. You could vanish from the world which knew you and start again. Form a life where you could once again be happy, or at least you would be able to wallow in your demons without worrying that your friends would discover them.

"So, how long we got left?" Sirius finally yawned, chucking one of his socks, which had somehow fallen off his feet during the journey, at Remus' head to get his attention. It was already dark outside as he asked this, leading you to believe you were almost at Hogwarts. Remus sighed deeply, before putting the bookmark back in his book, and placing it down beside him.

"Not long now Padfoot" Remus yawned, looking at his watch as he spoke, "You'll be eating before you know it". Snorting in laughter, you ducked as Sirius threw his other sock at you. "So you two better go change" Remus continued, as if nothing had happened. Jumping up, you grabbed your uniform from your bag, ignoring Remus' tut of disapproval, when he saw once again your clothes were creased in a ball, instead of folded as he was always telling you to do. Waste of time in your opinion and it really annoyed Remus, so was totally worth walking around in creased clothes for a few hours.

"Smell you later Moony" Sirius laughed, bounding out of the carriage as you followed after him, waving to Remus, before closing the door. Once you were in the corridor you saw Sirius grinning at you.

"What?" you asked, raising an eyebrow at him, before running past him, "Beat you there". You heard him chuckle behind you, before he began chasing you towards the changing rooms. When you reached them, you discovered the male changing rooms empty. Running into one you closed the door, and dropped your uniform on the provided stool.

"Cheater" you heard Sirius yell through the door as he took the empty stall beside you. You just laughed at him, as you pulled off your hooded top and dropping it on the floor. You shivered slightly as the change in temperature hit you. It wasn't cold, but you had spent the whole summer in hooded tops and baggy clothes, always covered up, so your body had grown used the added heat your choice of clothing gave you. Looking in the big mirror opposite you, you regarded the tall, lanky boy in front of you, swamped by his baggy clothes. His hair scruffy, framing his thin face. Large eyes and full lips making his appearance startling. You couldn't help but smile at your reflection as you saw the person you had grown into over the years. Pulling off your t-shirt, you carefully removed the ace bandage you had put on that morning, knowing you needed a lighter one whilst in your uniform, otherwise it would be noticeable through your shirt. Once you had removed the bandage, you picked up your normal ace bandage. Looking at your reflection once more, you saw a beautiful young lady staring back. "Autumn you've got to go away" you whispered to your reflection, feeling your eyes prickle with the tears that always threatened to fall when you saw your sister before you like this. Closing your eyes, you unrolled the bandage before beginning to wrap it around yourself. "I'm sorry sis" you murmured, looking back at your reflection, "But you can't be here".


	2. Voices in the Wind

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and if i did i'd be rich, which i'm not!**

**Special thanks to Wastelandrose, who actually set the Zodiac challenge years ago, and puts up with my sparadic muses. (Incase you wondered, I'm Libra)**

* * *

As the train arrived at the station, you stared out at the pouring rain, wondering why it always rained on the first day back at school. Grabbing your bag, you headed off the train with your friends, waving at people you knew as you passed them. As you stepped into the down pour you began to sprint towards the carriages, followed by all your class mates as you all tried to escape the rain. Out of the corner of your eye you could see the latest batch of first years, huddled around Hagrid, the gamekeeper, as they waited to be lead up to the school. You knew that once again, you would be forced to perform drying spells on all the new first years in Ravenclaw during the feast, before they ended up catching their deaths. Several of your friends, including George teased you about this. Calling you the mother of Ravenclaw and enjoying to imply you were gay. But it wasn't your fault that you valued your friends and didn't like to see anyone sick, even if you didn't know them. Jumping into the nearest empty carriage, you fell back into one of the old worn seats, feeling the water already soaking through your uniform. George and Remus joined you in the carriage a few seconds later, and finally a very wet, very muddy Katherine filled the last seat in the carriage. She sat down next to Remus, as the carriage rocked to life, being pulled effortlessly up to the castle by a beautiful thestal at the front of it. You had always wondered whether Thestals were bothered by the rain as much as humans. They had never seemed to mind pulling the carriages between Hogsmeade and Hogwarts, so you were inclined to believe they didn't. You were quickly pulled out of your thoughts, as Katherine shook her hair, spraying the rest of you with cold, muddy water.

"Thanks Kit" laughed George, wiping his hand over his face, "It isn't enough for you to be covered in mud, you also had to bring the three of us in on the fun". Katherine just grinned at George, before sticking her tongue out.

"Well why should I have all the fun?" she asked cheekily, flicking another piece of mud at George as she spoke. Unfortunately it missed him, hitting you instead. "Opps, sorry Will" she mumbled, looking apologetically at you.

"If you hadn't flicked that, Will would still be relatively clean" George pointed out, trying to keep the humour out of his voice as he teased his old friend. She turned her attention back to him instantly, looking at him in a calculating manner.

"Well if you hadn't moved, it wouldn't have hit him" she pointed out, her grin threatening to break her face. You and Remus just watched on, laughing quietly at the pair. In the back of your mind you were wondering where Sirius had gotten to. When you left the train he had been right behind you. The pair of you had always shared a carriage up to Hogwarts, every year since you pushed him out of the boat in first year. It was your last chance to hang out before the feast. After that, you could be separated by house boundaries and timetables up until the weekend, although you knew that usually didn't stop Sirius from popping into the Ravenclaw Dormitories to say hi. As you drew closer to the Castle you reasoned with yourself he had probably slipped in the mud or been caught by James. You were sure he wouldn't have intentionally ditched you, even if he had been acting oddly on and off throughout the train ride.

"Why does it always rain on first day?" Remus asked, as you pulled up outside the main doors. His rhetorical question hung in the air, as you all got up and made a mad dash into school. Casting a quick drying spell on yourselves before heading into the Great hall, you smiled. You were finally back where you belonged. "See you three later" Remus said, waving his goodbyes, before you split to head to your tables. Walking down the Ravenclaw table you said hello to everyone you passed. You might not have been a typical Ravenclaw, but you were still very popular with your house mates. Falling down into your usual seats, you smiled as your two friends joined you.

"Wonder how many midgets we'll get this year" you said, sparking off a popular discussion for your house on the first day. As you spoke you looked over at the Gryffindor table, only to find Remus and Sirius sat there laughing, with no sign of James or Lily. You guessed that the pair had probably been pulled into helping with the first years since they were head boy and head girl, but it did knock your whole Sirius sitting with James on the way up to the castle theory on the head.

"My money's on no more than 3" Finn Robinson said. He was a year younger than you, but had always been chatty and friendly with you. He was sat a few seats down from George, his arm wrapped firmly around his long time girlfriend, Rouge Velda.

"Your mad" Rouge commented, flicking her boyfriend on the nose, "We always get more than three". She rolled her eyes, smiling sweetly at you. Rouge was a bit of a ball breaker in your opinion, but was very sweet if you didn't cross her. "And didn't you see how many were waiting for boats?" she continued, turning back to Finn, "If we only get three, then the other houses are going to be very crowded".

"But the Hat doesn't care about numbers" added Donavon, a small third year who had the blessing of being Finn's little brother, so constantly in his big brothers protection. The poor boy blushed slightly when he realized several sets of eyes were now on him. "I-It only c-cares ab-about where they'll f-f-fit" he finally continued quietly, stuttering as he tried to find the courage to express his opinion.

"Titch is right" you added brightly, taking the lime light away from the thankful little boy, "Whose to say how many of these first years will be good Ravenclaw material?". You looked down the long line of Ravenclaws as you spoke, noticing that you had a lot of their attentions. "I mean we don't want someone who would pull our averages down or cause us to lose points" you concluded. Your words were meet by a muttered "Here Here" from everyone listening to you. House pride was a big part of being a Ravenclaw. Some said this made you elitist snobs, but if being proud of your intelligence was a bad thing then you didn't care. George opened his mouth to comment, but before he uttered a single syllable the doors to the Great hall were opened again, and a stream of soaking wet first years advanced into the room, shivering slightly and whispering amongst each other. Rouge was right. There were a lot of them. But quite a few had an air about them as they glanced around the room, which just shouted out Slytherin, so you knew that Ravenclaw weren't going to get the biggest share of this new batch.

--

Once the sorting was over, you discovered that Finn had been almost correct in his guess. Four little first years sat beside you, smiling happily at you, since you had just cast a drying spell on them. This was the second smallest batch of first years Ravenclaw had had since you had started Hogwarts. The smallest batch had been the year you started. There were only three of you in all. You, George and Katherine. Katherine loved reminding all the other girls in your year that she had her own room and didn't have to share with anyone, much to their disgust. This year most of the first years seemed to have ended up in Hufflepuff or Slytherin. Only seven had made it into Gryffindor, but they seemed to be receiving the traditional Marauders welcome when you looked over. The Great Hall was a hum of noise as everyone ate and chatted amongst themselves.

"So are you happy to be Ravenclaws?" you asked the four first years as the feast continued. Three of them nodded quickly, seeming a little nervous of you still, but the little girl sat next to George, opposite you, looked up grinning widely.

"Sure am" she stated, scrunching up her nose a little as she ate a brussel sprout, "mum and dad were sure I'd be a Gryffindor though". You nodded your understanding to her. She did seem like the type you'd find in Gryffindor, not nervous like most new students you met, but filled with an inner courage. "But I'm happy I made Ravenclaw" she continued, "Did you know 82 of Aurors were Ravenclaws". Now you could see why the hat had put her here. She might have many of the Gryffindor characteristics, but she was amazingly intelligent and determined to succeed in a career she had already picked out for herself.

"So you're going to be an Auror?" Katherine asked, looking over at the girl, "That's what my sister does". The little girls face lighted up at these words.

"Really? Does she think its hard to train to be one?" she asked excitedly, bouncing in her chair and completely forgetting her food. The three of you laughed at her excitable behaviour, knowing you had found yourself a good one with her.

"I don't think so" Katherine continued, "I'm Katherine btw, but everyone calls me Kitty or Kit". Katherine offered the little girl her hand, which she took happily, shaking it rigorously and beaming like a Cheshire cat.

"Tonks" she stated, "Well actually its Nymphadora Tonks, but I hate that". She screwed up her nose again as she told you all her full name. You personally thought it was cute, but this girl obviously didn't like it, so you weren't going to question it.

"Tonks it is" George said, throwing his arm around her, "Tonks the Auror, has a ring to it, don't you think Will?". You nodded happily, noticing that the other three first years seemed to be relaxing a bit as you chatted with Tonks.

"So what do you three want to do when you leave?" she nattered on, finally remembering her food and resuming eating, spraying you slightly with half chewed chicken as she spoke. It just made everything seem funnier in your mind, as you wiped the bits off yourself, smiling at the guilty looking girl.

"I want to travel" you lied, "Not sure apart from that though". She nodded her understanding, making sure to keep her mouth closed as she finished her mouthful. As she reached down for more food she managed to knock her pumpkin juice over the table, causing you all to roar with laughter, as you quickly cast a spell to clean it up.

"Opps" she said, not looking at all sorry for what had just happened. This just caused you all to laugh harder, and you noticed several people on the other tables turning to look at you all. "That seems to be a talent of mine" Tonks continued in a bubbly tone, shoving a handfull of peas into her mouth as she spoke.

"Intelligent, friendly, and clumsy" Rouge spluttered, "Those are good talents". The little girl turned slightly to grin at Rouge, before turning back and pouring herself another glass of pumpkin juice.

"Thank you" she said happily, before taking several gulps of her drink. Nothing seemed to embarrass this girl, which was probably the most brilliant thing about her in your opinion. But just as you were thinking that, her soft blonde hair transformed into messy blue spikes. "I think House colours would be better" she stated, as you all just stared at her shocked. You had only ever read about metamorphmagus before, and now there was one sat in front of you, completely in control of her powers.

"Wow" breathed Finn, his eyes wide as he gazed in awe at the small girl, "That was…Wow". This was what you all needed to snap you out of your awe induced stupors. Sniggering at Finn's brilliant vocabulary, you all returned to eating your dinners and chatting, actually managing to get the other three first years involved.

--

"First year Ravenclaws, follow me" you called as you left the great hall. Being the eldest prefect in Ravenclaw it was your duty to show the new students the way to the Common room and fill them in on what they needed to know. Tonks bounced alongside you, instantly linking arms with you in a friendly manner. The other three were close behind you, still not comfortable enough with you to be at ease, but content to follow your orders and get to know each other.

"Oye Maxwell" yelled an oh to familiar voice as you walked along the corridors, towards a painting of a sleepy scholar which hid the Ravenclaw common room entrance. Turning round you saw a figure running towards you.

"Sorry you four, just a second" you said kindly to the first years before looking back at the ever increasing figures. Grinning you folded your arms and waited. "Can I help you Mr. Black?" you asked kindly, trying to wind him up without the first years realizing. The sooner they realized they needed to steer clear of the Marauders the better.

"Very funny Will" he laughed, stopping by your side, and looking at the four little faces beside you. His eyes finally stopped on Tonks, who stepped forward boldly, and cocked her head as she looked at him.

"Watcha Siri" she greeted, punching him lightly on the arm. As you looked at the pair greeting each other you realized what had been so familiar about Tonks. The pair shared virtually the same bone stucture and their noses were a perfect match.

"Hiya Nymph" Sirius greeted, laughing at the little girls annoyed expression, before ruffling her hair, "Better not be causing old Will here any trouble". He shot you an infamous Black grin before turning back to the girl. "He can't keep up with a scamp like you in his old age". You snorted at this, feeling the need to point out that you were only a few weeks older than him, but not having the heart to interrupt the pair.

"He looks younger than you" Tonks replied, "But then again, Dumbledore looks younger than you". You and the three first years who were listening to this exchange laughed at this, and you once again could see why Tonks' parents had thought her an ideal candidate for Gryffindor.

"Watch it, I'm not that fond of you" Sirius warned, his ever so familiar growl reaching his voice, but the next instant his grin was back. Pulling the little girl into a hug, he turned to you. "Will this is my favourite cousins daughter" Sirius told you, squeezing the girl tightly to his side, "Can't remember what that makes her to me". You sniggered at the dazed look which had just come onto Sirius' face.

"Who cares" Tonks stated, managing to free herself from his arm. Before he had chance to pull her back though, she had run and hidden behind you, giggling loudly.

"Well that's nice isn't it" Sirius huffed, trying to act upset, "She's known you only a few hours and already she prefers you". You just grinned glad that at least Sirius seemed to be acting normally once more. "It hurt Nymphy, Hurts bad" he continued, touching his heart.

"Oh where are the violins" Tonks responded and you just knew without looking at her that she was rolling her eyes. The three first years all laughed at this, seeming to like Tonks more and more as the exchange continued.

"Hey guys" greeted another voice, as George, Katherine, Flinn, Rouge and Donavon rounded the corner, heading towards the common room. You all grinned at the new comers, and you finally realized that you were meant to have gotten all the first years settled in by now.

"I better go do my prefect stuff" you moaned to Sirius, rolling your eyes as you spoke. He just looked at you, as if in a trance, before shaking himself and grinning once more at you, ruffling your already messy hair.

"A goody goodies work is never done" he teased, before turning around and bounding over to the five new comers, seeming fixed on staying out as far past curfew as he could.

"Ok you four, we better keep going" you said, stiffling a yawn as you once again lead the way to the common room. Once you reached the painting you stopped. The old scholar stretched a little before turning to you and smiling.

"Good Evening Will, I do hope your well" he greeted warmly, before looking at the four children behind you. He smiled even wider at them, taking in each of their appearances. "And these must be our newest recruits" he exclaimed, "Is it just me, or do they get smaller every year?" You laughed warmly at this, having heard exactly the same thing when you were a nervous first year.

"Hello sir" you greeted politely, "I am quite well, and yourself?" On your first day at Hogwarts you were told by the Ravenclaw prefect to always be respectful to the paintings and the ghosts. It was a piece of advice you had always obeyed and it had never done you wrong.

"I am as I always am" the painting replied, yawning once more, "but anyway, you're not here for random chat now are you". You smiled at the old painting, ensuring you didn't rush him, as that would be impolite. "Password my dear man" the painting finally asked.

"Victorian" you said quietly, before turning around to speak to the first years. They were all gazing at you and waiting for you to speak. "You must always remember the password, or you won't be able to get into the common room" you began, running off the same speech which had been given to the new first years every year ever since you had arrived and probably before that as well. They all nodded their understanding. "And remember to always respect the paintings and ghosts" you continued, "They are older than you and wiser, so don't give them any cause to dislike you". Behind you, you could hear the old scholar murmur his agreement. "Now follow me" you said, before turning back to the painting and nodding your goodbye, before climbing into the common room. It was exactly as you remembered it. A mass of blue, scattered around the place, with hundreds of books lining the walls and a raging fire on one of the sides. "Welcome to the Ravenclaw tower" you said, turning back to the first years.

"Wow" breathed Tonks, "Its ruddy amazing". You grinned at her, knowing exactly how she was currently feeling, because it was the same thing you always felt when entering this room after the long summer away.

"Right," You said, "Dormitories are upstairs. Girls to the right, boys to the left." They all nodded again. "You'll see which ones you're by the lable on the door" you continued, "And your trunks will already be up there, thank god for House elves. I know I wouldn't want to have carried mine all the way up here". This got a laugh from the first years who were finally looking relaxed. "Well you better get off to bed" you ordered, "Long day tomorrow with all the lessons starting again, so shoo". They did as they were told, dashing off up the stairs, although Tonks was less willing to leave than her new found friends. But finally they were gone and you were once again on your own.

--

**Sirius' Point of view**

Laying on your bed, you stared at the ceiling, ignoring James' excited ramblings, as he bounced around the room. He had been ranting to Moony when you had returned from chatting with William and the other Ravenclaws. You couldn't believe little Tonks had actually made it into Ravenclaw. Sure she was clever but she was so much trouble, you were sure she would be with you in Gryffindor. Of course you were proud of her, you knew that now she was in Ravenclaw nothing would get in the way of her dreams. Her housemates would support her and help her reach her goals. It hurt though that you might not see her everyday. Oddly you found yourself thinking back on your first year when you were all sorted.

I"I will die if I'm a Slytherin" you whispered intently to the boy beside you as you walked slowly into the Great hall. All eyes were on the mass of you as you moved towards the front of the hall where your futures would be decided. The boy beside you actually laughed at this, not seeming to care that everyone surrounding him turned to stare like he was mad. He had a very warm laugh which instantly put you at ease.

"I know what you mean" he replied, "But I guess you're more likely to get it than me". Shooting him a evil glare, you joined his laughter as you thought how annoyed your family would be if you actually managed to get into any house other than Slytherin. It had been a scandal when your favourite cousin had actually been sorted into Ravenclaw, and then when she married a muggle born wizard she had met at school. It was still forbidden to mention her name within the house of Black, and if his parents found out that he was in contact with her and her family, then it would be your head.

"Just because Slytherin is in my blood, doesn't mean I have to follow tradition" you hissed back, punching him lightly in the shoulder as you finally reached the front of the hall. On your other side appeared a boy you had grown up with, although your family weren't a huge fan of their politics in the ever changing world. But James Potter had always been your best friend, and nothing could change that, not even this new boy which seemed to have a talent for making you laugh and relax. Beside him appeared another boy you had met that morning as you boarded the train, becoming firm friends with him, even though he wasn't the typical person you'd befriend. As you continued to whisper amongst yourselves, Dumbledore stood up and greeted you all. Next thing you noticed was the stern faced which who had introduced herself as Professor McGonagall earlier, bringing out a stool and a battered hat which looked like it was about to fall to pieces. Unlike most of your new year mates, you knew about this hat, having heard about it from all your relatives and how quickly it had sorted them. As it began to sing, you tuned it out again, looking at your three friends beside you. One was still missing though, but you guessed he was a little back, near a girl he had met whilst on the train. You were elbowed in the ribs as the hat finished its song, and once again you returned your focus to the front of the hall and the hat.

"When I call your name, come and sit on the stool to be sorted" McGonagall said in a strict tone, regarding you all in an impersonal manner. You were so excited by this point. You knew that you were about to have your whole future decided for you. If you ended up in Slytherin you would be forced to take the path that your family had taken for generations, but if you made it into another house you would be free.

"Goodluck" whispered the boy beside you, grinning up at you, his overly large eyes shinning before he turned back to face the front.

"Maxwell, William" called McGonagall from the front. Slowly the boy stepped forward, and walked confidently to the front. As the hat was put on his head, covering his large eyes as it slipped down, you could just hear it saying Gryffindor or Hufflepuff. Over the hours you had been together on the train, you had gotten to know him quite well, and knew he was brave, funny and confident, as well as really friendly. You really hoped he would end up in the same house as you though, whichever that might be. As the seconds ticked by, you knew all eyes were on him, and just as you thought he wouldn't be sorted a spilt on the hat opened.

"bRAVENCLAW/b" it bellowed. There was a roar from one of the tables with blue banners over the top of it. Jumping off the chair, he placed the hat back down and bounded over to the table, shooting you a grin and thumbs up before sitting down and shaking hands with some of the people around him. You felt disappointed by this turn of events. You knew there was no chance of you ever getting into Ravenclaw. But worst of all, you found yourself feeling hurt, and had no idea why this should hurt you so./I

"PADFOOT" screeched James voice, pulling you out of your thoughts. Focusing your eyes, you found James sat on your bed, staring at you. An annoying smile on his face. "Thinking about those eyes again?" he asked, teasing you. You just rolled your eyes, trying to block him out. For some reason you weren't in the mood for him right now, but he didn't take the hint. "Seen her already?" he continued, "I've got to meet this girl who has got you so messed up".

"What you talking about Prongs?" Remus yawned, looking up from his book and regarding both of you intently. Normally you would share anything with the pair, but right now you just wanted some peace so you could think over things and work out what it all meant. It was something you had always felt, but now you were beginning to wonder whether it was what you thought or if it was something more than you could ever imagine.

"Padfoot has become a total girl" James informed Remus, jumping off your bed before you could kick him. Remus raised his eyebrow at this, sitting up fully and looking at the pair of you, waiting for James to continue. "He spent the whole summer whining about some chick" James continued, strolling over and sitting on Remus' bed.

"Doesn't sound like you Padfoot" Remus commented, looking a little shocked at hearing this. The look off shock stuck for a few seconds longer, before he turned back to James, waiting for him to continue.

"I know" James stated, "It was rather depressing". You chucked your pillow at him, wishing he would just shut up. He'd spent the whole summer going on about this and you didn't want Remus to join in to. "He even didn't stop when these identical Swedish twins threw themselves at him" James said in a shocked tone, leaning forward as if he was telling Remus a scandal. The was gasp from Remus at this news, causing you to roll away from the pair. But of course they didn't shut up. "He just keeps going on about her eyes" James stated, throwing your pillow back at you and chuckling when you shot him the finger.

"Eyes?" Remus asked, sounding pretty confused. You just shoved the pillow over your head, trying to block out their loud chatter.

"Yeah" James said, his words reaching you even though you were trying to prevent them. Why you had had to Ishare/I you had no idea, and you were living to regret it. You just hoped he'd understand, seeing as he had spent the last few years going through the same thing with Lily. "Apparently they are to large for her pretty face" he was saying, sounding a bit puzzled by this point, "But he won't tell me who she is!". The next second someone had jumped on you, causing you to groan. "So who is it Padders?" James exclaimed from on top of you, "You've got to tell us whose destroyed our womaniser Padfoot". You just grunted, pushing him off you.

"Its no one" you muttered, storming into the bathroom. Behind you, you could hear Remus and James laughing. You didn't know what was happening to you. For the first time in your life you felt like you had no control over anything, especially yourself. Turning on the shower you began to ponder the best action to take to get over this little problem. Stepping under the torrent, you blocked out the murmur of voices and slipped into your own mind.

--

**William's Point of view**

Water poured over your tired body, dripping through your scruffy blonde hair. Closing your eyes, you just let it sooth you. It had been a very long day, but finally it was over. You could relax inside yourself, and let your sister out for a bit.

"Why do you always hide me?" she asked you gently as you just let the water wash over both of you, "Why do you deny that I'm a part of you?". She always started talking to you with those questions, ever since you were ten. You had grown used to it, and knew that she actually did understand, although she wished she didn't.

"Why do you always ask that?" you asked her gently, smiling so she would know you weren't mad with her, "You know that people won't understand if they knew the truth". She hummed her understanding to you, not saying a word. "They would take me away from you," you continued, feeling your eyes prickle with the whole idea of being separated from your beloved sister, "We would never be together again". She was upset. She always got upset when you talked like this. She hated the truth, and that was why she tried so hard to deny it.

"I don't ever want you to leave me" she whimpered finally, "I can't live without you Billy". Tears began to fall from her eyes as she spoke, as if she had already lost you. "We're the two parts of the scales" she stated quietly, "Without each other we can't balance".

"I know" you soothed, hugging her tightly as you spoke, hoping to calm her fears once more. You hated it when she was upset. Her heart was so pure and innocent, every tear she shed cut you deeply as you should have been able to stop them. "Don't worry, I'll never let them separate us" you whispered, sensing her calming within your embrace.

"Thank you" she breathed. You both fell silent for a bit as the water washed over you. Finally she moved, pulling away from your embrace. "Sing to me?" she asked softly, looking at you with her big purple eyes, which were identical to your own.

"Of course sis" you replied softly, never able to deny her anything. Rubbing shampoo in both of your hair, you thought through the many songs you knew, and finally settled on a Nivana classic you had both listened to as kids.

center"She eyes me like a pisces when I am weakI've been locked inside your Heart-Shaped box for weeksI've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trapI wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black Hey! Wait!I've got a new complaintForever in debt to your priceless adviceHey! Wait!I've got a new complaintForever in debt to your priceless adviceYour adviceMan-eating orchids forgive no one just yetCut myself on angel hair and baby's breathBroken hymen of your highness I'm left blackThrow down your umbilical noose so I can climb right backHey! Wait!I've got a new complaintForever in debt to your priceless adviceHey! Wait!I've got a new complaintForever in debt to your priceless adviceYour adviceYour adviceYour advice" /center

Your voice filled the steam filled bathroom, bouncing off the wall and filling the room with melodic tones.

"I love you Will" she whispered, sounding distant and tired. Opening your eyes, you found yourself alone once again. Where your sister had once been, was only a steamed up mirror. Shutting off the water you grabbed a towel, feeling your hand shake a little as you wrapped it around yourself.

"I love you to Autumn" you whispered, before wrapping your bandage around yourself once more.


	3. Fighting for Power

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and if i did i'd be rich, which i'm not!**

**Special thanks to Wastelandrose, who actually set the Zodiac challenge years ago, and puts up with my sparadic muses. (Incase you wondered, I'm Libra)**

* * *

The week flew by as you began the final push towards your NEWT's. Being a Ravenclaw you were naturally taken more subjects than most people in your year, making it harder for you to find time to spend with your friends in other houses. Of course you had quickly discovered that you had most of your classes with Remus. Also you spent the whole of Wednesday with Lily, Katherine, George, Sirius and James. But apart from that you were on your own, concentrating on your work as the hours ticked by. But finally it was Friday afternoon and you were free until Monday. Grabbing your broom, you happily ran to the Quiditch pitch, hoping to get a little practice in whilst the weather and light were good. As you zoomed up into the air, you felt the wind rushing through your hair, and once again you were free and alive. Nothing could contain you whilst you were up here like this. You were free and your life and who you were was just a distant memory. Both of you could be totally together up here, without worrying about people discovering the truth. You were real once again.

"Watcha" bellowed a voice below you after you had been practice for almost 30 minutes. Looking down you saw the bright, smiling face of Tonks grinning up at you. She was completely alone, just grinning up at you, and you knew that once again you had to put your walls back up.

"Hi Tonks" you greeted, flying down and standing next to her, "How has your first week been?". The little girl could barely contain the grin which spread over her face. As she smiled up at you, you noticed something about her appearance, a little smudge just below her left eye which had not been there when you passed her in the corridor at lunch.

"Its been brill" she exclaimed bouncing on the spot, "Do you think you could do me a favour?" She was not messing around, jumping straight in with why she was on her own and pulling you down from the heavens for a talk. Raising an eye brow at her, you waited for her to enlighten you. "Well I've just done something" she giggled, blushing slightly, "To Sirius". Both of your eyebrows shot up at this, surprise evident on your face.

"What did you do?" you asked once you had calmed your shock, leaning down a little so you were on a level with the small girl. But what became evident as Sirius marched across the grounds towards your position. Well at least you thought it was him. Biting your lip you fought the laughter which was evidently about to explode from you. A very angry, Sirius marched right up to you, and then made a grab for the little girl who was now hiding behind your legs. "What the hell happened to your hair?" you snorted, making sure to block Sirius and Tonks, much to the little girls thanks.

"Ask that little demon" Sirius growled, subconsciously reaching up and running his fingers through his unusually pink hair. It was evident what Tonks needed now, and you were never one to let a fellow Ravenclaw down.

"And when is she meant to have done this?" you asked, trying to maintain some control when faced by this humorous image before you. He growled at the little girl behind you, before once again meeting your gaze.

"15 minutes ago" he hissed, narrowing his eyes, which was a sure sign he was mad. You just met his anger with a calm smile, making him keep his eyes locked with your own some how. "Now let me kill the monster" he growled threatening, trying to push you out of his way, but not seeming to put his whole strength into it.

"I didn't" Tonks declared, sounding extremely truthful, even though you knew the truth. Sirius snorted his disbelief at this statement, still trying to get past you to reach the little girl. "I didn't" she insisted, "I've been with Will for at least half an hour, if not more". Sirius paused at these words, looking up at you.

"It's true, she's been helping me practice" you lied, still smiling sweetly. You wished you had a camera though, because a Barbie pink haired Sirius was not something you saw everyday and was worth saving. He regarded you intently for a few long seconds. You knew he was never fooled by your lies, but you owed it to the small first year, still clinging to your legs. His eyes seemed to darken as he stared into your eyes.

"Fine" he growled suddenly, before turning on his heal and striding back into school quickly, not even pausing to look behind him. A nagging feeling was telling you something was wrong. Sirius never fell for your lies and would never let someone get away with something like Tonks had done, even if he wasn't sure it was them. Just as you were putting it aside as just your mind over analysing everything, Tonks appeared in your line of vision once more. Her expression was one of pure confusion.

"He never gives in that easily" she stated softly, looking up at you with wide eyes, "He knew it was me but still he gave in". Now you knew you weren't imagining things. Something was wrong with Sirius. He had been acting weirdly ever since he got on the train yesterday, you just didn't want to admit it. "Weird" Tonks finally stated before grinning at you, "I guess you must be good a lying". You smiled kindly at the young girl, knowing in your heart that this wasn't the case. Autumn had been the great pretender who could get people to believe anything, not you. As if on queue your hand began to shake slightly, causing you to drop your broom. "Are you alright?" she asked softly, picking up your broom for you, and holding it out, "You're shaking, are you ill?". There was such worry in her eyes, you struggled with your inner demons just thinking of an excuse for her.

"I'm fine" you finally told her, smiling sweetly at her as you accepted your broom, "I just guess I'm a little tired, that's all". She nodded her understanding before linking arms with you and beginning to pull you back towards the castle.

"You should rest" she scolded sweetly, "You've had a long week, and practicing Quiditch straight after it might not be that wise". You just let the small girl pull you back towards the common room, wishing that you could have had a little sister like her. If it hadn't been for the accident, you might have. But instead you were left alone, with just your twin as company. Thinking about Autumn only brought on another round of shakes, causing the pair of you to pause just inside the portrait hole. These shaking episodes were getting more common. They had started a few months previous, but every time you tried to fight them, they only ended up coming back stronger. "Are you sure you're alright?" Tonks asked worriedly, "Maybe you so see the nurse?".

"No, I'm fine" you replied quickly, "Just tired, I'll go and take a rest before dinner". Tonks nodded slowly, as you walked away from her and headed up to the seventh year boys dormitory. You had never seen the nurse, although your Hogwarts career. You always reasoned that it was for the best. If she examined you, then she would know the truth and the life you had created would end abruptly.

* * *

Sitting on the cold tile floor, you allowed the water to beat over you. Watching as your hands shook uncontrollably. Autumn sat there smiling at you, seeming to not even notice what you were going through. She liked the shower, she had ever since she was a little child. Adoring to just sit in it, as the water poured around her. It was a fitting place for her to be. You had never denied that, glad that she found a place where you could both be alone before arriving. No one could hear you talking to her over the roar of the water, so know one would find out the truth. What had actually happened on the night of the accident all those years previous.

"You're being quiet" you finally stated, staring into her large eyes. She didn't even blink, keeping her gaze fixed on you, as she smiled that insufferable smile. The worst thing though, was the fact that she didn't answer, just sat there watching. This wasn't the girl you had known from your childhood, this was someone darker. You could see the darkness and horror in her eyes as she continued staring. "Why won't you speak?" you asked, allowing a little anger to slip into your voice.

"What is there to say?" she ask softly, wiggling her toes slightly, and then lifting her head so it was immersed in the stream of hot water. It felt better than seeing her just staring at you, but still rather unnerving as the drops battered your closed eyes. Pulling back, she returned to staring at you. Causing a shiver to run down your spine.

"There's a lot to say" you finally replied, hoping she would take the hint and start talking. She didn't. She just cocked her head slightly to the side, regarding you with interest. "I could sing to you" you suggested, desperate for something which would just stop her staring. She didn't even shake her head. Her eyes locked with your own, unwavering. "STOP IT" you finally snapped, feeling completely out of your depth. Closing your eyes, you felt her gaze leave you finally. Over the years Autumn had become isolated and resentful. You wished you could give her the life she deserved, but you couldn't. She understood of course, but this didn't stop her dark periods where she took pleasure in tormenting you. It was usually not so bad, but you were tired and she was not leaving you alone. Also the shaking was starting to worry you, and it worried you more than she had yet to mention it, even though it was perfectly obvious.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" she finally asked, breaking the silence which had been previously filled with the sound of running water. Opening your eyes once more, you regarded her, wondering what she meant. "Don't look so confused brother" she cooed in an overly sweet voice, "You know exactly what I'm talking about". Her staring was bad, but now she had started with the mind games, a perfect sign that she was in a mood. Turning your head away, you thought of the best cause of action to take.

"Because I love you" you finally whispered, just stating the truth in its most basic form, "I don't want us to be separated". Turning back to her, you could now see tears pouring down her gentle face, her large eyes swimming with emotion. "Please don't cry" you soothed, hating seeing her like this. Your relationship with each other used to be perfect, you never argued or hurt each other. Bur as the years had ticked by everything had changed. Deep in your heart you knew it wouldn't be long before everything came to a head. Neither of you were ready to let go though, so you prayed you could sort it out before it was to late and something happened to the pair of you.

* * *

**Autumn's Point of view**

You were trapped. You had always been trapped. Even before the accident you were trapped by you love for him. But that love was now suffocating you, and you couldn't escape it. Every breath you took was filled with the deepest type of love a human could know and they were all for him. It was the balance and you could not upset it, no more than you could control him anymore. He was the yin to your yang, the north to your south. You both relied on each other for life, but it was only half a life. His friends were your friends, your moods were his moods. You were bound together for eternity, all thanks to love. It was the noose round your neck, and it was of your own making.

"Please don't cry" he soothed, trying to smother your pain with his kindness, but it was all to late. He never saw what he was doing to you, even now you we causing him physical problems just to try and get some attention. A girl of your age should be out dating, falling in love, planning a life. But instead you were trapped here, under his command. Of course you would feel differently again soon, once you had calmed your mood swings once more. But they were getting worse and more often. You knew deep down that he had noticed it to, but he remained silent on the subject, never prying into where he wasn't welcome. You both had your own place, you never went into his and he never came into yours. As you continued thinking, you realized that reality was slipping once more. He was rebuilding the walls and keeping you oppressed inside. The water was already turned off. Soon you would return to being a distant memory of eight years ago, and have no power any more. "I love you Autumn" he whispered to you, the same way he always did, before the final brick was put in place and you were once again locked away in this virtual prison.

* * *

William's point of view

You actually skipped dinner that night, unwilling to move from your warm bed and the feeling of safety it provided you. You knew that it would be only a matter of time before someone came looking for you, but the person who found you wasn't who you had expected. You didn't hear his footsteps as he approached your bed, the first you knew of him was when your curtains were pulled back, revealing him standing there, smiling warmly at you, as he perched himself on the edge of your bed.

"Hi Remus" you greeted through a yawn, smiling up at him. Although Prefects were allowed in all the common rooms, Remus very rarely came to visit you like this. "What do I owe the pleasure?" you asked warmly, rolling slightly so you could see him better, without the light shinning into your eyes.

"That blue haired chick you got" Remus began, looking like he was desperately trying to remember her name, but failing.

"You mean Tonks?" you asked. Remus looked releaved at finally knowing her name, as he nodded.

"Yeah, well she is worried about you" he said, "she told me before dinner and when you didn't show I said I'd pop over to check on you". He blushed a little now, scratching his head a little as he thought what else to say. "Sirius is still on the war path" he finally continued, "I'm guessing you saw what happened?" Grinning you chuckled slightly, wondering whether Sirius had actually managed to fix his oh so precious hair or whether it was still pink.

"Yeah I saw" you stated when you stopped laughing, "Please tell me someone got a picture of it". Remus returned you grin, looking positively evil, which was very rare for him. The next second he was reaching into his robes and producing a photo.

"Made you a copy" he said, placing it on your bedside table, so you could see the enraged looking Sirius with his very attractive pink hair style, shaking his fists at the camera. You roared with laughter upon seeing this picture, very glad that it was recorded for future generations to see. "So how are you?" Remus finally asked, returning to his caring friend persona and feeling your temperature.

"I'm ok" you stated weakly, wishing you didn't have to keep telling people that, "Just tired". He nodded in understanding sitting back a little and seeming to relax.

"Tell me about it" he yawned, "With the amount of work they've set us this week I doubt I'll be able to sleep". He pinched the bridge of his nose, showing he was thinking. "Sometimes I can't help but think it would be easier if we were dumb" he continued, looking up and meeting your eyes. You chuckled at this, knowing exactly what he meant. Not many people could understand the pressures of being in the top 5 of the school, but Remus was one of them and always knew exactly what to say. "Well anyway" he continued, leaning against the bedpost, "Have you heard yet about Sirius' secret woman?" This caught your attention. Quirking an eyebrow you waited for Remus to continue. "Apparently he's been hung up over her all summer" he said in a conspiratorial whisper, "and now he's gotten all moody. James and I think she's blown him off". You chuckled at this, it would be just Sirius' luck that the first girl he ever actually liked, turned around and told him where to get off. He could have any girl, so why this one was being difficult you didn't know.

"Any idea who it is?" you asked, running over all the girls you knew and trying to picture them with Sirius.

"No" Remus hissed, looking from side to side as if worried someone was listening in, "All we know is that she's got eyes to large for her face". You chuckled at this. Not many girls fitted this description, so it was typical Sirius that he had picked a fair one. "You know, if you were a girl I would be sure it was you" Remus declared suddenly, "I mean Sirius has been acting a bit odd around you, but I guess its because you know the girl or remind him of her with your large eyes".

"Yeah, I guess so" you said softly, thinking over this little piece of information. Going on your knowledge of the school, you were probably the only student whose eyes were to big for their face, and apparently Sirius had been acting oddly around you, it wasn't just your imagination. But he couldn't know your secret, so you could rest easily.

"Sorry" Remus finally said, after several moments of silence, "You're looking really tired, and here's me just chatting away like I'm some old washer woman". You laughed at his joke, smiling up at him. "Night Will, hope you feel better in the morning".

"Night Remus" you said, just before your curtains were closed again. Once more you were able to fall into your own thoughts, but the problem was, they weren't just your thoughts anymore. Autumn had woken up and was desperate to put in her opinion. Trying to shut her out, you closed your eyes, desperate for sleep to find you. As you continued to ignore her, the shaking returned. "Stop it" you whispered to her, praying she would listen to you. She didn't. At your words she began to hum, enjoying the fact she was annoying you. "Be Quiet" you muttered.

"Who you talking to Will?" asked a voice from the other side of your curtains, "You got a bird in there with you? You old dog". Autumn was silenced finally, seeming to be afraid of being discovered and separated from you.

"Just me" you replied, "Was just telling the bed to stop squeaking". From the other side of the curtains you could hear laughter, as he moved around the room, getting ready for bed. Rolling over, you revelled in the silence within your own mind. The shaking had subsided once more. Relaxing down, you closed your eyes, searching for a release from life as you knew it, knowing Autumn would join you as you slept and she wouldn't need to hide. You would both be _free_ again.


	4. The Walls begin to crumble

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and if i did i'd be rich, which i'm not!**

**Warning: Repetition of a _Bad_ Word he he**

**Special thanks to Wastelandrose, who actually set the Zodiac challenge years ago, and puts up with my sparadic muses. (Incase you wondered, I'm Libra)**

* * *

The weeks passed quickly. The shaking and nightmares continued, progressively getting worse, but you were able to pass these off as being over tired to anyone who noticed. It was visible that this was true, seeing as the professors were giving you three to four hours of homework each night, and it was continuously increasing. This was also the reason Sirius was giving for his strange behavior. He seemed to have been trying to avoid you, and whenever you did manage to catch him, he kept the conversation short and often drifting into thought mid-sentence. It was a strange, but you had your own problems to consume you.

Autumn was her normal self most of the time, occasionally drifting into a moody, dark mood which always scared you. She never mentioned the shaking or the nightmares, making you believe she was at least free from these horrors which were haunting you every second of the day. She lay inside you, unknowing of the rampant chaos which was your reality.

As the weeks progressed, the weather gradually got colder, giving in to the snow by the beginning of November. This didn't prevent you from flying at every chance you got. As the ice cold bit at your face you found freedom.

* * *

"For the last time, **NO**" you snapped grumpily at the group of friends in front of you. Once again they were trying to persuade you to visit the hospital wing. They had been trying to ever since mid September, as your sleep deprivation began to become more noticeable. To begin with it was only one of them, now and again, but as the weeks had passed, they had begun ganging up against you in the hope of intimidating you into taking their advice. This only helped your increasingly short temper to break and for you to shout at them for caring. "Will you guys just give up and bleave me alone/b" you snapped before turning your back on them, and beginning to storm off.

"Don't say that Will" James snapped, darting forward to block off your escape route. You stopped right before his face, glaring into his worried brown eyes. It wasn't that you wanted to hurt any of them, or cause them any worry, it was just that you couldn't risk allowing someone to discover Autumn. You were sure that if you ever went to the Hospital wing, she would be discovered within minutes. "You're not well" he continued, sounding extremely worried, "We just want you to get better". Growling slightly, you attempted to step around him, only for him to block you once again. "We won't give up" he continued, grabbing your upper arm as he stared in your eyes, "If we ignore this and leave you alone then we wouldn't be your friends". The guilt which you always felt when they tried to help you once again began to well up.

"I'm fine" you hissed in reply, feeling your fists begin to itch as you fought the instinct to hit him. You knew if that last inch of control snapped, you would lose your last bit of sanity. You had always prided yourself on being a pacifist, and you knew if you lost your control and hit James you would no longer know who you really were. Before James had chance to say anything else, you had bolted, and vanished off along one of the secret passages Sirius had shown you during your first year. As you continued your walk speedily through the castle, Autumn came back into reality.

"They were only trying to be nice" she scolded you, as you both marched through the halls. Rolling your eyes, you just remained silent, allowing her to rant on. "You just acted like a complete jerk towards them" she continued, "If you had been like that towards me then I don't think I'd want to be your friend any longer". You knew she was right, and were thankful that your friends were sticking by you, no matter how you acted. "What's your problem anyway?" she finally asked, looking at you curiously with her overly large eyes. You remained silent, not even turning to look at her. But this didn't stop her from giving her opinion very decidedly. After a pause she resumed her rant. "You do realize that they won't leave you alone" she continued, keeping her eyes fixed on you, although you didn't turn to meet her gaze, "They never do, that's a good sign of true friendship". You were rushing towards the Ravenclaw common room, the shaking you had experienced so much over the last weeks returning once more to haunt you as your sister expressed her opinion on everything. You were just desperate for a little bit of peace, so you could once again be who you really were instead of hiding behind a mask no one ever saw. Turning the final corner you tried to compose yourself before once again meeting the old scholar in the Ravenclaw painting. You didn't want to give any more reason for people to worry about you. "I know your not listening" Autumn finally snapped, causing you to jump. Her tone sounded strict and demanding, reminding you of the tone your long dead mother used to use when the pair of you were misbehaving. Autumn was evidently growing up perfectly, becoming an image of your beautiful mother although no one except you would ever see it. "Why aren't you listening to me?" she snapped once more, sounding very indignant with her demand, "You never listen to me". You could hear her stamping her foot in displeasure.

**"Shut up Autumn"** you screamed, pausing for a second to cast her a dark look in the window pane. She gazed at you shocked, but didn't utter another syllable as you resumed marching along the corridor, towards the painting. Stomping up to the painting you said the password, trying to appear calm and polite whilst you spoke to that archaic picture. The moment it swung forward, you jumped through, rushing up to your dorm, to drown yourself in the shower. No one, except Autumn, would disturb you whilst you were locked away under the pounding water.

* * *

**Tonk's point of view**

"You're going to get into trouble" Max hissed, as you quietly snuck through a secret passage George had shown you in your first week. It lead straight to the Slytherin common room where all the real fun would begin. Thanks to Sirius and James' plan, you had everything you needed to pull off a great opening prank in what promised to be a long and great pranking career. You were the one given the great right of carrying out this well thought over prank, due to Sirius and James already being suspected for plotting. Also William was unable to do it, but the older Gryffindors hadn't told you why this was. You just presumed it was due to all the work he must have been receiving in all his lessons, as you had noticed him on several occasions sitting late into the night in the common room, muttering to himself. You dreaded reaching seventh year and becoming that over worked. It was well known that Ravenclaws always got the worst of the pressure. It was always hard for them to find a way to relax, unlike the other houses who had never placed as much importance in work. Slipping into the Slytherin common room, you heard Max, Angelus, and Bill close behind you. Glancing around, you noticed the things James and Sirius had mentioned whilst filling you in on their plot. All you had to do was cast a simple reversion spell, whilst one of your companions cast a super strength sticking spell. James had been sure that Bill, the only Gryffindor in your group, would be able to cast a spell strong enough to hold, but you had other ideas. You had been in several of the boys lessons and had no such illusion about his grasp of spells. That's why you had pulled Max along. Max was the most well behaved of all the first year Ravenclaws, and always worried far to much about the trouble you especially could get into. But it had only taken a couple of "Dares you" from you and Angelus, before he had given in and joined your merry band. Silently, you began casting the charms you had memorised since hearing about this plan. This whole plot was based around timing and trusting everyone in your group. Luckily you trusted everyone you had brought, being good friends with the three boys and knowing them better than any of the girls you had met. Finally, when all of the spells were cast, you were ready to leave. Looking up once more, you grinned at the Slytherin furniture which was now fixed to the ceiling. They wouldn't know what had hit them when they returned. As if on cue the entrance began to open. Max and Bill grabbed you by the elbow as Angelus held the passageway open. Dragging you through it, you all escaped just before your mischief was discovered. Giggling madly, you all ran back along the pathway, whispering to each other in adrenaline filled voices. In your opinion there was nothing better than the feeling after you've just pulled off a prank and gotten away with it. Even Max seemed to be enjoying the feeling.

"Oye Tonks" hissed Angelus, as you slowed down finally, grinning at each other, "we're got to do that again soon". Laughing loudly, you nodded your agreement. Angelus was your best friend, even though he tended to be rather quiet. He was still up to anything you suggested and always covered for you when you needed it.

"Damn right" laugh Bill, brushing his shaggy red hair out of his crystal blue eyes once more, and grinning widely at you. The next second you were on the floor, all the boys laughing at your clumsiness. You were actually amazed that you had managed to last this long without falling over. Finally Bill calmed down enough to offer his hand to pull you up. It was nice to know that even if he saw you as one of the boys, he still had manners. Jumping to your feet, you continued the short distance to the end of the corridor, brushing off some of the dust which now covered you.

"Better find an alibi" Max stated, bringing you back down to earth a little. You were sure no one would connect any of you to the prank, but it wasn't certain, and it didn't hurt to have someone vouch for you.

"I'm sure William will be more than happy to help" you said happily, slinking out into the corridor, before straightening up and walking towards the Ravenclaw common as if nothing had happened. The three boys joined ranks around you, so you all looked like you usually did. No one would suspect a thing.

"Even me?" Bill asked, sounding unsure, "He doesn't know me". Most people wouldn't be reliable, but you knew William well enough, to know he would be more than happy to help any of your friends.

"Course he will" you said brightly, turning the corner towards the Ravenclaw common room, "You can come in with us, hopefully he'll be studying". The other two Ravenclaws mumbled their agreement at this. Finally you rounded the last corner, just before the Ravenclaw common room, and you saw William storming along, not seeming to be to happy. Opening your mouth, you prepared to get his attention.

**"Shut up Autumn"** he suddenly screamed, causing your group to all jump. You all froze, watching as he continued storming towards the common room. It was rather eerie how silent the corridor had suddenly grown.

"Who the _fuck _is Autumn?" Angelus finally declare, staring at you in a confused manner. You just shrugged, wondering the same thing as your friend. It was even stranger that William hadn't realized that you were stood only a few steps behind him. You had known he was tierd, but you hadn't realized he had gotten this bad.

"Forget that" Bill announced, "That dude was talking to **_himself_**". You hadn't even thought about this, more worried about your friend. Suddenly you found yourself worrying more about his mental state than his exhaustion. "Does he do that a lot?" Bill finally asked, looking at the three of you. After a few seconds he turned back to where he had been stood. "Apparently not".

"We should tell someone" Max whispered hoarsely, going white, "Remus or Sirius or someone". Slowly you nodded, before turning on your heal and leading the charge down towards the Great Hall. Looking around, you finally spotted your cousin.

**"SIRIUS"** you bellowed, causing him to stop and turn, grinning at you. Dashing over, you arrived before your cousin in a matter of seconds, looking up at his mischievous face.

"What 'cha Nymph" he chuckled, ruffling you liberty blue ringlets in a loving manner, "Loved the prank". You grinned at him, nodding and accepting his complement, although he didn't say much. "So what can I do for you four?" he announced when the other three finally caught up with you, "You look worried". His eyes lingered on Max's white face for a moment, before darting back to you.

"It's Will" you stated, your expression faltering, "He's…He's acting strange". Sirius looked understanding at this, like he knew exactly what you were talking about. Nodding his head, you ushered you all into a unused classroom.

"He's just over tired" Sirius said calmly when you were all safely in the room, "Needs a good rest". He nodded at you, in what you knew was meant to be a reassuring manner. "Just don't push him" he continued, "He'll be fine". You nodded your understanding to him, smiling once more.

"So who's Autumn?" Angelus suddenly asked, bringing up something you had been wondering up to a moment before. Sirius seemed to jump at this. Unsure of where the question had come from. This reaction made you think that Sirius didn't know about the talking, and had thought you had just been meaning Williams anti-social behaviour. Sombering your expression once more, you got ready to answer any questions Sirius may have.

"Who told you about Autumn?" he finally asked after gulping at you like a fish out of water. You now knew you had his attention.

"William was talking to _her_" Max said, seeming to notice the same thing as you. Sirius raised his eyebrow at this.

"Talking to_ Her_?" he asked, sounding intrigued yet a bit unbelieving. All four of you nodded, waiting for this little bit of information to sink in. "You mean he was talking to himself?" he finally asked.

"Yeah, but it was like he was talking to _her_" you said, "He told her to shut up". Sirius' jaw had dropped and he seemed to be thinking over something you weren't sure about. Finally his jaw snapped shut and he focused on the four of you once more.

"I'm sure he's fine" he stated softly, "Just tired, but I'll check on him". You all nodded, unsure of what to do. "Thanks for letting me know". Without another word, he turned on his heal and left the room, leaving the four of you looking between each other in a questioning manner. Something was going on, something the seventh years didn't want you to know. You'd be damned if you didn't find out everything about it within the next five days. No one ever left you out of anything, and this wasn't going to be the first time. Everyone around you seemed to reach the same conclusion.

* * *

**William's Point of view**

Sitting in the shower, tears pouring down your face, you tried to make sense of the mess your life had become. You were trying to push your friends away, even if you didn't admit it. You were terrified that your secret would be discovered and you would be forsaken because of it. Autumn hasn't said a word since you told her to shut up in the corridor, and you knew you had hurt her feelings. This didn't help your mood. She was always there for you, no matter what, and now you found yourself pushing her away. At least that's what it felt like.

"Will?" called a familiar voice from the dormitory, "You in there?". Jumping up off the floor you rubbed furiously at your eyes as you dashed towards your towel. Unfortunately you didn't notice the soap suds on the floor. Gripping the towel, you found yourself slipping. Turning slightly, you tried to make a grip at anything solid, only causing you to slide forward towards the tap faucet. Squealing slightly, you felt your cheek connect sharply with the tap, before you hit the floor with a splash. A horrible crack follows as your skull connects with the porcelain. Nausea swamped you, as your vision swam. Rolling slowly onto your back you tried to regain some sense before moving again. Unfortunately that wasn't an option. "Will are you alright?" Sirius yelled through the shower door, knocking on it as he spoke, "I heard a splash". Trying not to groan, you pulled yourself into a sitting position, finally realizing your cheek and forehead were bleeding, quite badly if you admitted it. "Will answer me" Sirius demanded, "Are you alright?". Finally you pulled yourself to your feet, wrapping the towel around yourself, before stepping out of the shower and into the attached cubicle. "I'm coming in" Sirius finally declared after a few more seconds of you not answering.

"No" you almost scream, pushing against the door so he couldn't get through and grabbing your bandage, trying to hide the truth as quickly as possible, "I'm fine, just tripped". Attaching the bandage fully, you reached over for your t-shirt, ignoring the wave of dizziness which over took you.

"You sure?" Sirius asked, not sounding convinced in the slightest, put stopping pushing at the door. This allowed you the strength you needed to finish pulling on your clothes. Finally when you were sure you were decent, you unlocked the door, only to find Sirius standing directly behind it. "**YOUR BLEEDING?"** he declared loudly, blushing your sopping wet hair out of your face so he could get a better look at your wounds. You just brushed past him, heading into the dormitory. You just felt like laying down and resting for a bit. Your head was spinning, you could barely see where you were walking. Behind you, you could hear Sirius following. Falling down on your bed you groan as your already throbbing head hit a book you had left there earlier. "You should go to the Hospital Wing" Sirius said softly, sitting beside you. Slowly he leant forward, trying to look at your wounds more closely. Weakly you pushed him away, terrified that he'd notice something if he got to close to you. He didn't give in though, instead resting his hand on your shoulder, holding you down, as he continued examining your wounds. "Right, your going to the hospital" he demanded, trying to pull you off your bed, "I think you have a concussion". Shrugging him off, you stumbled to your chest-of-draws and grabbed a tissue. Dabbing at your face, you stopped the blood from dripping into your eye. In the mirror you could see both Autumn and Sirius staring at you.

"I don't need to go" you snapped, examining your cuts as you spoke, "I'm fine". You quickly discovered that the wound on your head was only shallow, and would heal in no time, but the cut on your cheek was a lot deeper.

"Liar" Sirius snapped, grabbing your lower arm and spinning you to face him, "That one on your cheeks going to scar, you need it sorted". His grip was tighter than before, and as you stared into his eyes you saw them darken slightly. There was such emotion behind them. "Come on" he demanded, trying to pull you towards the door, "We're going to see the nurse".

**"NO**" you screamed, tearing your arm from his grip and feeling the sleep deprived muscles groan in protest. Ignoring the pain in your arm and the waves of dizziness, you glare at Sirius before you, determined to make him back down. You knew he was probably right, but you didn't want your secret to be discovered and you were terrified of what might happen.

"**STOP BEING STUBBORN**" he yelled back, taking a menacing step forward so there was barely ten centimetres between you.

**"I AM NOT BEING STUBBORN"** you bellowed back, leaning forward so your noses were touching. The fact that you knew how stubborn you were actually being didn't register in your mind as you tried to shout your way out of this situation.

**"YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A BABY"** Sirius replied, his breath warm against your face, "**I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU".**

"**WELL NO ONE ASKED YOU TO**" you replied, feeling guilty almost instantly as you saw the pain this statement caused shining within his eyes.

"**I'M YOUR FRIEND, LIKE IT OR NOT**" he finally countered, "**AND YOU CAN'T JUST BRUSH ME AWAY WHEN SOMETHINGS WRONG**". It was nice to know that he cared so strongly, but at that moment you just wanted to be left alone, to dwell in your own problems.

"**JUST GO AWAY**" you screamed, and with that you found yourself shoving him. Not the gentle shove you both sometimes used on the other in friendly banter. This shove was designed to hurt. You were lashing out and Sirius had gotten in the way of your temper. Like a typical Libra you were known for being easy going and Peaceable, but when you lost your temper it usually ended bad. This was one of those times. Stumbling back, Sirius steadied himself against George's bed, glaring slightly at you, although his face was mostly shocked. "Just leave me alone" you hissed, before turning back to the mirror. A second later you were knocked off your feet as Sirius tackled you to the floor.

"No" he growled, trying to pin your squirming body down, under his superior weight. Scratching, hitting, punching, biting, kicking, you rolled around the floor, putting all your rage into this one fight. Everything had been going wrong today, and now you were fighting your best friend.

"**WHAT THE _FUCK_?"** yelled a voice from the doorway. The next second you and Sirius were being pulled apart by strong arms. Growling slightly, you tried to slow your breathing and calm down a little. When you finally succeeded in this, you noticed that Finn and Remus were holding you back, whilst James and George held Sirius, although they didn't seem to be having as much trouble with controlling him as Remus and Finn did with you. By the door you could see Katherine, Lily, Rouge and Donavon staring at the pair of you in shock.

"What's going on here?" Remus finally gasped out, still using a lot of his strength holding you back from throttling Sirius, although you couldn't work out why you hadn't calmed down enough yet. You felt detached from your body, as if you were floating a little bit away from it, an observer to what was going on.

"OMG Will" Lily suddenly declared, taking a step into the room, and blocking your view of Sirius as she stood in front of you. Looking at her ivy green eyes, you felt your muscles finally begin to relax, and the grip Finn and Remus had on you begin to loosen. "What happened to your face?" she said softly, reaching forward slightly, to remove one of your longer bangs out of the laceration on your cheek.

"He fell and won't see the nurse" Sirius spat, rubbing one of his jaw slightly, where you could just make out the thin lines of a scratch. Everyone looked at Sirius as he spoke, before turning their attention back to you.

"You really should see the nurse" Katherine said from the door, "Your cheek doesn't look good". You just snorted, wishing they would all just butt out and leave you alone.

"I know you don't like the hospital wing" James declared, "But you've got to go". He was looking at you as if he was talking to a naughty first year, not one of his best friends for over six years. It felt so impersonal. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Sirius grinning, obviously believing he had won.

"**I DON'T NEED TO GO**" you scream, shaking Remus' and Finn's arms off of you and glaring at everyone in the room. You had lost your last bit of sanity when you had shoved Sirius, and now you were terrified what else you might do.

"Don't give us that" snapped Rouge, looking fully fed up, "That cut needs stitches, meaning you need to see the nurse". You glared at her, for once not scared of the cold calculating look you got in return.

"Leave me alone" you hissed, before pushing your way out of the room. Sprinting off, along one of the many secret passages, you tried to escape their voices which were calling you. You knew they were following you, but due to the head start and your fitness you were gaining distance on them.

"You better be off to the hospital wing" Autumn suddenly snapped, causing you to jump a little in shock. She had been completely silent since you had told her to shut up, even though you had felt her eyes on you constantly.

"No I'm not" you hissed back, slowing down a little as you felt your head beginning to spin once more. If it hadn't been for your friends interference you would have been resting right now, not running along dark corridors, with your sister nagging you.

"If you don't get that healed, its going to scar my face" she stated coldly, making you feel the intensity of her glare.

"**Your** face?! It's **MY** face!!" you yelped, surprised by her words. As the words left your lips, the shaking returned full force. This forced you to stop running and just support yourself against the wall of the corridor you had emerged into. You could hear the distant sound of running, quickly getting louder as your friends closed in on your location. But there was nothing you could do. Your head was spinning so much you couldn't make out anything around you, it was all just a blur. The shaking was causing you to grip the wall just so you would remain standing. There was no way you could even walk, never mind keep running. When your friends reached you, you'd be forced to go to the nurse, and your secret would be discovered. There was no way out of it. Freaking out, you started hyperventilating, knowing Autumn was watching you intently, but not hearing her speak once. As your body began to become starved of oxygen, you found black spots forming in front of your hazy eyes. The world was spinning around you, quicker and quicker. Before you even realized what was happening everything went black and you were free falling into oblivion. Warm arms enclosed around you just before everything vanished and you were at peace.

* * *

_Blackness surrounded you, obscuring all but the pain and rain with covered you like a secure blanket. Outside your little cocoon the rain hammered down, washing away the events leading up to this horror. You were warm. That much you were sure of, but everything else was a mystery. Close to you someone was crying, but you weren't sure if it was reality or someone in your mind. A cold hand wrapped slowly around your own, reassuring you that you weren't alone. Everything smelt clean, cleansed by the ever pouring rain which mourned the tragedy before it. As you lay there in the dark you could hear sirens approaching, closing in on where you were imprisoned. The hand holding yours was so cold, but it's grip didn't loosen for a second. You were safe whilst the pair of you were together, balancing each other and harmonizing the world._

_"I love you Autumn" was breathed into the darkness, sucking all the air from around you just to fill the words. A bit later, maybe seconds, maybe minutes, maybe hours, you would never know, the grip slackened, and fell limp. As the connection was broken, you felt your heart rip in two. Tightening your grip, you refused to let go. The pair of you would never be separated, not now, not ever. People die, but real love is forever. Together you would hide in an unrelenting disguise, and never be separated or broken. A scale can not be whole without a counter balance. That is what you were to each other, and nothing, not even death would destroy that._

* * *

Shooting your eyes open, you found the corridors of Hogwarts flying towards you, as you lay again a warm chest. You felt sick. You felt like crying. You just wanted to be alone. Just you and your counter balance, together forever.

"Put me down" you groaned, struggling within the arms of whoever was carrying you. This only caused the person to tighten his grip as he sped up towards the Hospital wing. "I Said Put Me Down" you said, louder this time, struggling harder against him.

"No" snapped Sirius' familiar voice, "You're ill". Gazing up, you could see his chiselled chin above you. He was resolute, and determined. You could tell he believed his words fully, and your heart trusted him fully, but still your mind won over, making you fight against him.

"**SIRIUS LET GO**" you screeched, beating your fists against his chest, Im fine. He just growled at this comment, ignoring your weak punches. "Stop being stupid, and **PUT ME DOWN**" you snapped, flailing your legs, so it was hard for Sirius to remain balanced whilst holding you. Finally he came to a stop, placing you back on the floor and pinning you against the nearest wall so you couldn't escape him.

"You're not alright" he growled, his voice holding a dangerous calm, which unnerved you, "You're bleeding, your eyes wont focus on me properly and you passed out." It sounded so logical as he said it, glaring deeply into your scared eyes.

"I'm fine" you hissed back, putting all your strength into pushing him off you. He didn't even budge. "**LEAVE ME ALONE**" you wailed, returning to pounding against his chest, "**JUST LEAVE ME ALONE**." You were aware of hot tears beginning to fill your eyes as you tried desperately to escape. All this shouting was making your injured cheek throb, but it was the only thing you could now do.

"What's all this noise about?" screeched a voice, and the next second; Madam Tilder appeared from the door beside where you were currently standing. It was then that you realized you were standing just outside the Hospital Wing, Sirius had almost succeeded in getting you there. "Oh My Dear Boy" she suddenly exclaimed, looking intently at your bloody face, "You better come inside, why weren't you here sooner?" Shaking your head, you tried to slip out from Sirius grasp and away from the Matron who was looking at you in a questioning manner.

"Don't start that again" growled Sirius, just increasing his grip on you, "Being scared is one thing, but this is damaging your health William." You froze for a second, staring wide-eyed at Sirius, he had never called you William, even when you had first met. He used your shock to his advantage, pulling you closer to the hospital wing, whilst you weren't fighting against him. He didn't get far though, as your instincts returned, and you began fighting back once more with all the energy left in your little body.

"It will be ok" Madam Tilder tries to sooth, stepping up towards you and smiling in what she obviously thought was a gentle manner. You just kept struggling, discovering that your feet barely touched the floor as you began trying to climb the wall, just to escape. Somewhere in the back of your mind you knew what a idiot you must look, desperately trying to escape from someone as nice as the matron, but you didn't care. "It wont take second young man" she tried, looking a bit panicked by how freaked you were becoming. Your breaths were coming faster and shallower as you found yourself beginning to hyperventilate. But there was nothing you could do about it. You were trapped and terrified, and Sirius wasn't going to give in.

"I'm fine" you whimpered quietly, you voice sounding breathless, as your head began to spin once more, "Its just a scratch." Sirius dark eyes didn't shift from your face, as he growled once more, sounding deadly.

"Hang on" Madam Tilder said after a few seconds of you freaking out in silence. She vanished back into the Hospital Wing. With her out of site, you calmed down a little, thinking you were off the hook and would be able to vanish into safety very soon, no one the wiser of your little problem. Sirius grip did not loosen though, as he stared at you in a creepy manner. You didn't have much time to dwell on this though, as Madam Tilder remerged from the Hospital wing. Beginning to struggle again, you felt Sirius grip bite into your arms painfully. Hissing with pain you met his gaze once more, and that was when Madam Tilder took her chance. Casting a quick charm, you felt your cuts healing themselves. Once your face was fully healed, Sirius released you. Jumping away from them, you began to back away, not taking your eyes off them for a second. Of course this was the perfect time for Autumn to make an appearance. Because in the list of things that could go wrong, her causing trouble in front of the only person who could separate you would have been at the top.

"You're such a baby" she laughed loudly, "It didn't even hurt." You were tired, grumpy, freaked out, and feeling betrayed by your best friend, who was also giving you the creeps due to the way he kept looking at you.

"**SHUT UP AUTUMN"** you bellowed, before turning and running down the corridors. Ok, so shouting at your sister in front of witnesses was at the top of the list of bad things, but you just couldn't stay silent.

"What?" Madam Tilder asked as you rounded the corner looking very confused by your strange behaviour, "No one was talking."

"He's really tired" Sirius told the matron quietly, "Been working really hard." Before the woman could ask him anything else, he had taken off after you, determined to take your mind off work and go back to being the friends you had always been. He knew he had betrayed you earlier, but he just couldn't let remain injured, you were far to important to him for that.


	5. Love, Friendship and denial Part 1

******Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and if i did i'd be rich, which i'm not!**

**Special thanks to Wastelandrose, who actually set the Zodiac challenge years ago, and puts up with my sparadic muses. (Incase you wondered, I'm Libra) and Another big thanks goes out to Lu and Sarah, who both helped me write this part, and the next part**

* * *

Sirius' Point of view

You had tried to follow William after he had left the Hospital wing, but he had given you the slip. Deciding he had probably returned to the Ravenclaw dormitories, you had gone there, only to find a very worried George tidying up the mess you and William had made earlier. William had totally vanished, no one had any idea of where he had gone, and you couldn't help but feel slightly guilty, knowing he was running from you. Stupidly you had given the Marauders map to Remus after you had caught William when he fainted, so now you had no way of knowing where he might be. You weren't going to give up though. He was your best friend, and you wouldn't let him slip away and hide from you, not when you were still rather worried about his state of mind. Not one to give up, you began trudging the corridors of Hogwarts, asking everyone you passed whether they had seen him. Apart from a few paintings on the fourth floor, no one had seen him. You skipped dinner searching for him, knowing George would message you if William actually attended it. He didn't. The hours ticked by with no trace of him, and before you knew it, it was twenty minutes before curfew. This didn't matter to you, but you knew Will wouldn't risk walking the corridors after hours. Cutting your losses, you decided to check the Ravenclaw dormitories once more before going back to Gryffindor and curling up into tight ball of despair. George was virtually pulling his hair out with worry, jumping at the slightest sound. No one had seen Will since he had taken off from the Hospital wing. He had just vanished. In a disheartened state you trudged slowly back to your dormitory ready for a sleepless night. Deep in your heart you knew you may have lost one of your best friends forever, just because you had been to worried to respect his wishes. Collapsing on your bed, you pulled the curtains cutting out your friends worried questions. You had lost control today and hit a friend, you didn't even think you could forgive yourself never mind ask Will to forgive you. Everything had gone wrong. Hearing the dormitory door close, you guessed you were alone once more. Without even meaning to, a pair of lilac eyes which were to big for the owners face floated into your mind. Within seconds they were followed by full lips, a delicate jaw and shaggy blonde hair. Smiling wistfully to yourself, you didn't even push away the thoughts of kissing those rose red lips or running your fingers through that overly soft hair. It was wrong to think like this, but you had long ago stopped fighting this immoral yet intense attraction.

"How long?" asked a calm voice beside you. Jumping almost a foot in the air, you turned to find Remus sat beside you, an all knowing expression playing on his pale face.

"What?" you asked in your usual polite manned, glaring at him for disturbing your fantasies which were on the verge of getting good. You had been certain that you were alone.

"How long have you loved him?" he asked in the same tone as before, unfazed by your harsh rudeness which he came against every day.

"I'm not Gay" you stated with a growl, threatening Remus to argue with your eyes. You did not like where this topic was heading, nor how insightful the teen werewolf truly was.

"Never said you were" he stated with a smile, "But you are in love with him. How long?" Muttering under your breath you turned away from him, not wanting to get onto this topic. You knew Remus would never judge or tease you because of it, but you still weren't ready to admit it to yourself yet. "I know you're in love with him Padfoot" Remus said after a few minutes of silence, "And I don't blame you. He is very striking." Grunting slightly, you closed your eyes instantly seeing the familiar face in front of you. "Prongs doesn't know" he continued not seeming to care that you were trying not to listen, "He still thinks its some chick he hasn't noticed before." As he finished talking, he rested he hand on your arm in a reassuring manner.

"What am I going to do?" you asked into your pillow unable to keep fighting the truth in the face of such understanding, "I'm not Gay".

"Yet you love him"

* * *

**William's point of view**

You had run. Terrified of reality, of how close you had come to destruction, but more how much you had hurt Sirius due to your fear of discovery. There was only one place you could think of going where no one would find you unless you wanted them to. Sprinting up to the fourth floor, you paced in front of a blank piece of wall, thinking hard of somewhere to hide. Within seconds a door had appeared, leading into a small bedroom with an en-suit attached, similar to the room you had once shared with your twin.

"I'm sorry" the soft voice of your sister said after a few seconds of just standing still in the middle of them room, "I didn't mean to make you mad". She sounded so sad it was all you could do not to break down in tears. You were so tired, and you were pushing everyone away, including your sister.

"It's alright" you soothed softly, trying to put yourself at ease as well as her, "I'm sorry for snapping". Sitting down on the edge of one of the beds you stared in front of yourself, trying to think over your next course of action. It was virtually impossible in your sleep deprived brain, it all seemed hopeless. It was just a matter of time before they dragged you away from Autumn.

"Do you wish I wasn't here?" she asked suddenly, making you jump a little, "Do you wish it was just you, so your life could be simpler, without all this hiding?". Shaking your head, you bit your lip, desperate to deny her words but finding yourself suddenly questioning the truth in her words. "I upset you" she said softly, "I'm making you stressed".

"I love you," you said slowly, "I don't want to lose you". You knew you hadn't denied her comments but you had told her the truth. At the moment you didn't know what you wanted, and her constant nattering wasn't helping. "I wish you'd just be quiet" you finally said, resting your head in your hands, "Just let me live my life. We can still talk when I'm alone like this, I just don't want you there constantly".

"It's my life" she whimpered softly, and you knew you'd upset her. For some reason though, you couldn't find it in yourself to care.

"No Autumn" you told her softly, "It's mine. They're My friends, it's My school career. You're just here, and I'm the only one who knows it". That had been cruel and you knew it, but you were to tired to think before you spoke. She was silent, not so much as whimpering in tears. "I need some sleep" you finally said, "I need some peace". Laying back, you ignored Autumn, just closing your eyes and hoping for a few hours sleep before the dreams returned. Within seconds you had fallen into the world of sleep, blacking out and leaving Autumn alone to face your words.

**

* * *

**

Autumns Point of View

He was right. You had lost your life all those years ago, giving William a chance at life instead of taking it for yourself. You had no right to moan or feel jealous. It was all your own doing. You owed it to him to just step back and allow him to live his life in peace, instead of haunting his dreams with nightmares of the events seven years ago and causing him to shake during the day. It wasn't fair on him. You had given him this life and now it was to late to take it back. You should just learn to be lonely and fade into nothingness.

**

* * *

**

William's point of view

Yawning deeply, you stretched in the large bed, feeling at peace with the world. Everything would be alright. You had had a full, good nights rest, not haunted by dreams or memories. Jumping energetically out of bed, you felt refreshed and revitalized, like you hadn't felt in years. Stretching lazily, like a cat, you made your way into the en-suite, pulling off your clothes quickly. As they fell to the floor you noticed the splashes of blood on the top, remembering the previous day and the fight you had had with Sirius. A pang of guilt hit you as you remembered attacking him, like some wild animal. But today was a new day, and you felt like a new person, you would make everything alright with Sirius, even if it took the rest of your life. Jumping under the shower, you let the pounding water massage your scalp, waking you up fully and helping you start the day right. When you got out of the shower, you were reluctant to pull your dirty clothes back on, but knew it would only be a few minutes before you were back at the Ravenclaw common room and able to find something else to wear. Almost bouncing, you walked out of the room, weaving through the still quiet corridors and back up to the Ravenclaw common room. Entering the common room, you waved at a few early risers who were slowly heading down to breakfast or finishing off some homework. Running up the stairs to your dormitory, you walked in happily, grinning at George who was still tangled in his bedding, trying to wake up. Throwing your wardrobe open, you began rummaging through, trying to find a shirt which wasn't completely crumpled from your brilliant tidying. Finally you settled on one with a clean pair of trousers and the jumper you had warn the previous day which was stuffed under your bed.

"Where you been?" yawned George softly, trying to sit up in this tangled bedding, but only managing to fall straight out of bed. Snorting with laughter you grabbed your clothes, walking into the bathroom.

"About" you responded, before closing the door on the struggling mass of linen. Sniggering a little, you quickly changed into your uniform. Grinning at your reflection in the mirror, you grabbed your toothbrush, getting rid of the last of the morning breath you guessed you had.

"That's not an answer" muttered George, slowly walking into the bathroom with his shirt undone, "Sirius was going mental last night when you didn't come back". At the mention of Sirius' name, you paused, once again thinking about your best friend.

"Was he alright?" you finally asked, looking over at George with your toothbrush hanging out of your mouth, "He's not mad about the fight is he?" George snorted, shaking his head a little.

"He's fine" he told you, "Just worried about you, like the rest of us". You sighed deeply, going back to cleaning your teeth. You didn't want to have this conversation again, especially not when you were feeling so good. "What was with that fight?" George finally asked, seeming to have guessed you weren't in the mood to discuss your sleeping and mood problems, "You've never hit anyone before, and if you were going to start I'd of thought it would have been James or me you went for, perhaps even Finn, but not Sirius". You ignored him, hating to think that he had actually thought about who you might attack if you lost your temper. "I think Sirius is shocked, not mad" George finally stated, noticing that you were refusing to answer him.

"He's my best friend" you muttered softly, spitting out the toothpaste and rinsing your mouth a little, "I don't know what got into me, I just saw red".

"It's alright to see red now and then" said a soft voice from the door, "Just as long as you learn to fight, or have those talons cut before the next time". Turning you saw Sirius standing there, leaning against the door jam. "Hey" he said softly, and with that you knew everything had been forgiven.

"Hey" you responded softly, smiling softly at him.

**

* * *

**

Sirius' Point of view

You had laid awake for the majority of the night, thinking about William, and wondering what you could do. Remus had tried to help you last night, but he had no idea what you were truly going through. You had finally fallen asleep around 3am, but it was a restless slumber filled with a self-hatred you hadn't felt since leaving your family. Waking around 6am, you had decided to drown yourself in the shower before the others woke for breakfast. After about an hour of sitting under the jet which had slowly turned icy, you gave up with drowning and got out. As you were pulling on your trousers an owl flew through the window, dropping a battered note on your bed before flying back to whence it came. Sitting back on your bed, you read the two words which had been scrawled on the parchment, **'He's Back'**. Jumping up, you threw on your shoes and shirt, buttoning it up as you ran out of the door. William was finally back in the Ravenclaw dormitory, and you just needed to see him. To make sure he was alright. You had no idea what you would do when you saw him, but you just needed to see him. Slipping through the secret passages, you found your way into the Ravenclaw common room, and up into the dormitories. Slowing down, you slipped into William and George's dormitory beginning to worry about Will's reaction on seeing you. There was no one in the dormitory, but you could hear voices coming from the bathroom. Slowly you walked over to the open bathroom door.

"You've never hit anyone before, and if you were going to start I'd of thought it would have been James or me you went for, perhaps even Finn, but not Sirius" you heard George laugh, smiling weakly, you leant against the door frame, watching as William tried to ignore George. His shoulders looked stiff though, so you knew he was listening and was getting stressed as he thought over the words. "I think Sirius is shocked, not mad" you heard George finally say, reaching out slowly in a reassuring manner, before thinking better of it and letting his arm fall back to his side.

"He's my best friend" William muttered so softly you almost missed it. Your heart skipped a beat as you realized that he had already forgiven you. At some point during the night you had realized that your life just wouldn't be worth living without William in it. "I don't know what got into me, I just saw red" he continued, looking down at the sink in a dejected manner. Suddenly you realized he was blaming himself, and hating himself because he thought what had happened was his fault.

"It's alright to see red now and then" you said softly, watching both boys jump, "Just as long as you learn to fight, or have those talons cut before the next time". Grinning weakly, you watch William turn, as if in slow motion, his hair spinning out around him like some sort of halo. "Hey" you said softly, instantly feeling stupid at your lack of vocabulary. But within seconds you felt happy again, as you noticed William's whole posture become more relaxed, like you were used to seeing.

"Hey" he responded softly, his smile weak but true. Smiling back you stepped into the bathroom, and grabbing his hand, pulling him into a man hug. It felt better being close to him, although you could feel your feelings bubbling under the surface, desperate to be recognized.

"Fancy grabbing breakfast with me?" you offered, pulling back and grinning wickedly, "Totally need some advice. You know, on homework etc". He roared with laughter at this, throwing his arm over your shoulder, and walking off with you.

"See you in a bit George" he called over his shoulder before turning back to you, "So what subject do you want me to do your homework for this time Black?"

**

* * *

**

James' Point of View

Something was just not right. William had been acting odd for weeks now, but that was just being over worked and tired. Well that was what Lily said it was, and who were you to disagree with her. But then there had been the fight yesterday. William never hit anyone, and Sirius would rather die than hurt one of his friends. But that hadn't stopped them from beating two bells out of each other. Sirius has just shrugged it off as just a little rough and tumble, not a real fight, but he had had a horrible shiner under one of his eyes, and a gleaming set of scratch marks down his cheek. That wasn't just rough housing as your parents called it, that was something more, like a real fight. After Sirius had taken him to the hospital wing, you had sat with Lily, telling her about how grumpy Sirius had been since the summer when he realized he was in love. She had gotten oddly quiet when you had described the girl Padfoot had fallen fall, looking like she was thinking deeply. Suddenly she had told you to not bug Padfoot, that he must be feeling horrible right now, and you had to be patient and understanding. You tried to ask her what she meant, but she decided to attempt to wipe your mind by being sexy and good at kissing. You had ended up in her dormitory, enjoying each others company. When you had gotten back to your dormitory, Sirius had already returned, as seemed to be fast asleep. Remus was sat on his bed, pretending to read. You knew he was pretending because his eyes weren't moving and he was sucking on his bookmark in a manner which suggested he was deep in thought. You asked him what was going on, and he gave you some basic details about Will bolting after having his cut fixed and Sirius not being able to find him. Then you told him about what Lily had said, wondering what his take would be on it. He agreed. For some reason you found yourself feeling left out in some big secret, and Sirius and William were at the centre of it. You woke this morning, only to see Sirius vanishing out of the dormitory, his shirt only half on. When you had made it down to breakfast it was to see Sirius and William sat beside each other, eating muffins and chatting over what you had a sneaky suspicion was Sirius' homework. It was like nothing had happened. They were both their happy go lucky selves, nothing like that had been over the last months. You sat opposite them, watching them carefully. When Lily and Remus got down, they chatted to the pair as if there was nothing off with what was happening. Even George seemed to have forgotten the last 24 hours. Something was just not right, and you were going to solve this little mystery before the end of the day.

**

* * *

**

William's point of view

"You alright mate?" you asked, waving a hand in front of James' face as he continued staring off into space. He had been acting odd ever since coming down for breakfast. You had originally suspected that it was due to how you and Sirius were acting after the fight, but when the others arrived, James' oddness had just increased.

"What?" he asked, snapping out of the staring and focusing on you, "Oh yeah, I'm fine". You smiled over at him, trying to make him relax.

"Muffin?" you offered, holding out the basket which had once been full of them before you and Sirius had tucked in, "They're triple Choco chip this morning". Sirius snorted a little at this, knowing that you, Remus and James all shared a love for anything chocolate.

"I'll have one" Remus chimed in right on schedule, reaching over and grabbing three from the basket. He shoved two of them into his pockets before tucking into the third as if he was starving. "Mmmmm Chocolate" he mumbled through a mouthful, causing everyone else regarding this exchange burst out laughing. Putting the basket back down, you grabbed another muffin, shoving it into your mouth in a similar manner to Remus.

"Nectar of the Gods" you responded, spraying Sirius and James with crumbs as you kept eating. Looking down again, you checked over all your workings which you had done on Sirius' homework for Ancient Runes. They were of course correct, and oddly enough, you had managed to make your neat little script look very similar to Sirius' messy scrawl. Lily had even told you it looked good enough to fool the professor, after scolding you for doing the work, of course.

"I'm not hungry" chuckled James, shaking his head before thinking better of this statement and grabbing a muffin and putting it in his bag for a midmorning snack. Lily tutted at him, hating the fact that he tended to eat a snack in the middle of a lesson, especially if he was getting bored (History of Magic) and could use this as a way to cause mischief and havoc. If he ended up with a detention at the end of it, then it was discrimination against those who needed to eat (Binns discriminating against James). Lily had long ago given up trying to stop him from doing this though, knowing it was one of those little James Potter things which you just had to accept.

"Finished Black" you announced, pushing the sheet back to him, "Got two of them wrong, just so Prof-What's-her-name doesn't suspect anything"

"Thanks Maxwell" he laughed, grabbing it, and shoving it in his bag without even looking at it, "You're a life saver, maybe Bathsheda won't flip her lid this time". You sniggered along with him at this.

"When will you two ever grow up" sighed Katherine, falling down into a seat a few along from you, "It's _Professor Babbling_, not _Bathsheda_, or _Prof-What's-her-name_ or _Professor-something_ or _Bath-salts_"

"We've never called her Bath-Salts" you laughed loudly, "But thanks for the suggestion".

"Yeah" Sirius laughed, "Wonder how many detentions I can get calling her that?" You both laughed a long for a bit, thinking about the same thing.

"Honestly Kitty" groaned Lily, "You shouldn't be putting ideas into their heads, haven't you learnt by now, they only hear what they want to". Remus snorted at this, nodding a little, before looking over at you and grinning.

"Oh that's nice" Sirius stated putting on a fake pouty look which make him look like a petulant child, "I can feel the love". He sighed dramatically, placing his hand over his chest and staring off sadly. There was a dreamy sigh from some of the younger girls who had seen him do this, and a few glares sent in Lily's direction. "I think we know what to do now Mr Maxwell" he continued, turning to look at you. You could hear the others sniggering at him, but you managed to put a serious look onto your face, trying to look as sad as Sirius did, but knowing you weren't as good an actor as him.

"Exactly Mr Black" you responded in you sulky voice, "Link arms, Flick hair, Pout lips, and GO!". With that said, you were both into your comic duo pout off, causing everyone else to roar with laughter.

"Oh the infamous Gay-Off" snorted George, shaking his head, "What have you released on us Lily?". You began to snigger at this, destroying your pouting pose, and manage to knock Sirius in the ribs as you broke down into laughter.

"It's a pout-off" Sirius muttered, beginning to crack up, "Not a Gay-off". At this point you actually managed to fall of your seat, pulling Sirius off with you due to your arms still being linked. As you twitched on the floor, you felt Sirius cracking up beside you as the others just ignored you, going back to their breakfasts.

* * *

As Professor Merrythought slowly fell asleep at her desk as the class practiced disarming spells. You had been paired with Remus at the beginning of class, so you were already writing up your evaluation of the spell, sniggering a little as you watched James and Sirius blowing things up and sending each other flying across the room at random intervals. Dotting your I's lazily you wondered how you were going to pass another thirty minutes without anything to do. You began to think back over this morning and how fun it had been. When you had woken, you had had a feeling that today would have been a good day, and it was turning out to be even better than that. Having breakfast with everyone you cared for. Worrying about James; Teasing Lily; Laughing at Katherine; Joking with George; Sharing chocolate with Remus; Messing about with Sirius; Getting dressed with Autumn…IAutumn/I. Suddenly your world didn't seem as perfect as it had only a few moments before. Autumn hadn't been there this morning, she wasn't with you now, you were alone. Jumping up, you quickly made your way to the front of the class, deciding your best course of action even as you moved.

"Professor" you said politely, causing her to jerk back awake with the look of someone who would deny point blank that she had actually been asleep. She regarded you carefully, before smiling brightly.

"Finished your work already Mr. Maxwell?" she asked kindly, seeming almost proud of you, "I shouldn't be surprised should I, a bright lad like you".

"Just finished professor" you told her sweetly, "Although I fear I may have to copy my evaluation up tonight, as it is not as neat as it should be". She smiled warmly at you, shaking her head a little, knowing what a perfectionist you could be with your work. "Is it possible to go to the bathroom?" you asked quickly, "I know I shouldn't go during lessons, but I fear I might have drank a little to much at breakfast".

"Of course you may go" she told you kindly, "Just pack up your things, and I'll write you a pass. Then you can go straight to your next class instead of having to come back here for a few minutes". As she spoke, she pulled out a fresh scrap of parchment beginning to write on it in her normal emerald green ink.

"Thank you Professor" you said quietly, moving quickly back to your desk, glad of the extra time this get out of class early pass would give you.

"What you doing?" hissed Remus who had watched the exchange and obviously didn't believe you needed the toilet.

"Need the loo" you hissed back, shoving all your stuff back into your bag quickly, "I'll see you and Sirius in Ancient Runes. Save me a seat". He opened his mouth as if to ask you why you thought that they would be there first, but you had already turned away, swinging your satchel onto your back and going back to the front for your pass. Professor Merrythought just handed you the pass, before stalking over to a pair of Hufflepuffs who had seemed to have had some problems with defence and the spells they had used, and were now rather disfigured.

"See you later" you hissed at Sirius and James as you slipped past them and out of the room. The corridors were silent, you couldn't even hear peeves causing havoc.

"Autumn?" you whispered cautiously, walking as quickly as you could to the prefects bathroom where you knew you would be guaranteed privacy. There was no answer. Doubling your speed, you almost ran through the corridors until your reached the fourth door to the left of the statue of Boris the Bewildered which hid the Prefects Bathroom. "Soap Duds" you gasped out, before pushing the now unlocked door open. Pausing just inside the room, you took in the appearance, aw struck as you always were by how large and beautiful it was. "Autumn?" you said a little louder, praying she would answer. The seconds of silence turned into minutes as you stood there waiting and praying. She wasn't there.

"You're the only one here beautiful" giggled the flirty blonde mermaid window, opposite the bath, "Just us".

"**AUTUMN**" you screamed, falling to your knees in despair as the words sunk in. Your constant companion was gone. Tears slowly began trickling down your cheeks, warm and hollow. Empty just like you were now.


	6. Love, Friendship and denial Part 2

******Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and if i did i'd be rich, which i'm not!**

**Special thanks to Wastelandrose, who actually set the Zodiac challenge years ago, and puts up with my sparadic muses. (Incase you wondered, I'm Libra) and Another big thanks goes out to Lu and Sarah, who both helped me write this part, and the next part**

* * *

**Remus' Point of view**

Something was wrong. You had started suspecting that something was wrong when William had suddenly rushed off, making up some story about needing the bathroom. Williams neck always flushed red when he was lying, and it had been burning bright when he had left. But that wasn't what had concerned you. It was the way he was chewing his abused lower lip in a nervous, almost scared manner. He had even told you to save him a seat in Ancient Runes, when you knew that if it was just the bathroom he was needing, he would be there before you. After he had left you had looked over and James and Sirius, and could see that they were also questioning his sudden departure. When the lesson had finished, you had made your way quickly to Ancient Runes, hoping he would be there, but he wasn't. As Professor Babbling entered, you began to worry. No matter how much William joked about Ancient Runes and the laid back manner of the professor, he was never late for her lessons. He was never late for any of his lessons.

"Good morning" greeted professor Babbling, smiling happily around at the class, before slumping back in her seat and placing her high heel boots on her desk. Just as she opened her mouth to continue, the classroom door opened.

"I'm terribly sorry I'm late professor" William said politely as he stepped in, "I hope I haven't missed to much of your fine lesson". He moved swiftly over to the seat you had saved him between you and Sirius.

"It's nice of you to join us Mr. Maxwell" the professor chuckled, "I've only just arrived myself, so nothing missed, but in future could you try and get here before me?". She laughed a little as William sat down, smiling at her, before pulling out his stuff.

"I'll try to" he responded, chuckling a little, but his laugh sounded hollow and empty. Something was wrong.

"Ok, as I was saying" the professor said, turning back to the class and rocking in her seat a little. Out of the corner of your eye you watched William pretending he was alright. He was chewing his lower lip again, a sure sign that something was wrong. As Professor Babbling set the work for the day, to be completed as homework, you turned fully to look at William. He noticed your attention and turned to look at you. As he moved in his seat a slight sent hit your sensitive werewolf senses. Slightly salty. Then you realized it as you saw that his eyes were slightly bloodshot. He had been crying. This unnerved you even more than his obvious worrying.

"You alright?" you whispered, opening up your Rune translation book so you could hide behind it was you talked.

"Fine" he responded, turning back to the front and starting on his work. It was obvious he didn't want to talk about what had happened since leaving Defence Against the Dark Arts.

"Oye" hissed Sirius, his head laying on the table and ink all around his mouth, "What we meant to be doing?" It was a typical Sirius question. He had obviously been doing something other than listening to the professor, and you began to get a sneaking suspicion that you knew what he had been doing, or more exactly who he had been watching.

"Aztec Runes" William responded, looking over at Sirius, and grabbing his book, "This page. Got to write a foot long essay about the uses of them in today's society, as well as transcribe page 28 of the work book which is written in Aztec Runes". With that said, he turned back to his book, and instantly started working. Making it obvious that all conversation was over until lunch.

**

* * *

**

Sirius' Point of View

After a very promising morning, everything had gone wrong. William had been acting oddly ever since he left Defence Against the Dark Arts early. He had become jumpy and looked very depressed. Also he barely spoke to any of you, keeping all conversations to work, before hiding himself in what he was doing. You weren't about to let him sink back into his self destructive cycle, after you had finally managed to pull him out. Especially now you had admitted to your feelings and found a way to hide them without William noticing. He was your best friend and you weren't about to let him push you away for some stupid reason. He hadn't even shown up at lunch, causing you to lose your appetite with worry. Grabbing a handful of muffins and a couple of sandwiches, you set off in search of him. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you hoped he might want to open up about everything which had been getting to him over the past couple of months, but you knew this to be impossible. Weaving around his usual haunts, it took you almost 20 minutes to find him, curled up in the roots of the old willow tree by the lake, where he always loved to sit and work in the warmer weather. You could remember finding him there every summer on your final full day at Hogwarts before going back home, a dopey smile on his face and he stared off into the horizon, thinking about the past year. He wasn't smiling now though. His knees tucked up tightly against his chest, he was rocking slowly, muttering under his breath. The only thing even similar to his last day stance was his gaze over the horizon. But as you got closer you could see his eyes were glazed over, staring yet unseeing. He seemed so distressed, you had no idea what to do or what had caused it. Slowly sitting down beside him, you thought over everything Remus had told you about being there for someone and realized that you should of perhaps listened to this particular lecture.

"Will?" you asked softly, reaching out and placing your hand on his knee in what you hoped was a reassuring manner, "We missed you at lunch, are you hungry?" He flinched slightly under your touch, but remained staring into nothingness. It was unnerving to see him like this, as if there was nothing left of the friend you knew. "I grabbed some muffins" you continued helplessly, "They're triple choc chip like at breakfast. Oh and I got some ham sandwiches. You know Evans will burst an artery if we don't eat a balanced lunch. Especially since she knows we only had chocolaty goodness for breakfast!". William didn't move, but you noticed his shoulders relax a little and his eyes lose some of their emptiness. "I blame you of course" you continued, finally feeling like you were getting somewhere with the conversation, "I of course only ever eat the healthiest of things". His lip twitched. "Can't go and get my god-like-form ruined by fatness! What would those pretty chicks thing?". It twitched again, turning into the beginnings of a smile. "OMG REMUS WOULD BE HOTTER THAN ME" you screamed in a fake shocked tone, "I see your plan Mr Maxwell. Trying to make me less hot so you and Remus can get all the girls" It was weak but he was defiantly smiling, all be it in a lost, kind of broken way. "You shall not succeed" you stated firmly in an overly dramatic tone, "I know your plan, and I shall thwart you!"

"Thwart?" he whispered, his eyes flicking to look at you, "Good word"

"Indeed it is" you replied, pointing to the sky in a dramatic way, "And I shall say it again. I shall thwart you, with my great thwarting powers of DOOM!" He snorted at this, shaking his head. "Do not laugh at my thwarting powers of DOOM!" you stated, "They are mighty doomful"

"That's not a word" he told you in a dead pan tone, "Dares you to use it when talking to Charity".

"We got her next?" you asked, trying to remember your time table, "I forget if it's her or Cuthbert".

"We have dear old Cuthbert Binns tomorrow morning" he told you, rolling his eyes and turning to face you with his legs folded in front of him, "It's Charity next, then we've all got a free before dinner, then I got Astronomy with Sinistra, if she doesn't kick me out again for correcting her". Laughing loudly, you threw your arm around his shoulder in a friendly manner.

"I still can't believe you did that" you commented, "Lily told us all about it, and you didn't even get a detention".

"Well she was wrong" he informed you with a smile, "And when I showed her the text book and my multiple star charts which disagreed with her, she couldn't help but agree with me".

"You mean she just couldn't stand being wrong, so made you leave quietly before everyone knew" you gasped between laughter, "Brainiac!" Within seconds he had shoved you with a grin, causing you to fall onto the slightly damp grass.

"Better to be a brainiac than a dumb man-whore!" he laughed sticking tongue out at you. You just lay there, laughing along with him and allowing the man-whore comment slip just because you were relieved that William was back to normal once more.

**

* * *

**

Tonks' Point of View

You and your small gang had been snooping for want of a better word. Now you were even more convinced that the seventh years were hiding something, and Will and your cousin were central to it. You had heard about the fight when you had returned from dinner the previous night, so had tried to ask Remus about it, but he had just pretended he didn't know what you were talking about. Angelus instantly began plotting different ways to get the truth out of them and make them regret keeping you all in the dark. You had fallen asleep in the boys dormitories, listening to Bill (who was constantly crashing the Ravenclaw common room, now he had been shown the secret passage) and Angelus chuckling and muttering over different plans they had come up with, and Max vetoing each and every one. The next morning, when you all got down for breakfast, it was to be greeted by the sight of Sirius and William messing around like best friends. There was no sign that they had even argued, never mind had a full on fight. The only one of the seventh years who seemed to think this as odd as you did, was James who was watching them in a puzzled manner. You noted this for future reference. Watching them out of the corner of your eye, you began eating breakfast, trying to fathom what the big secret was.

"I've got it" Angelus suddenly declared, "All adults are mental". All four of you snorted at that, and you found yourself wishing it was something as simple as that. What ever it was, was hurting some of the people you cared about, but wouldn't let you help because you were 'to young'. Well you'd show them. Just as you were about to spout some clever come back to Angelus' words, William and Sirius fell from where they were sitting, and just lay twitching on the floor, laughing their heads off as everyone around them just laughed at their antics. As they lay there lay there laughing you noticed how Williams jumper didn't lay exactly flat across his chest, instead it seemed to outline a rather feminine body underneath. All your attention now fixed on William. Now you looked at him again, you realized how feminine he really was. Large emotional eyes, a delicate jaw line, petite nose, slim figure, small feet. As you watched him, he morphed into a girl before your eyes. As they slowly got back on their chairs Williams jumper fell back into place, hiding the feminine body underneath.

"He's a girl" you murmured under your breath as the reality sank in. It was so obvious now you had noticed the signs.

"What?" Bill asked loudly, his mouth stuffed full of food, "What you say Tonks?" He was managing to spray everyone with each syllable he spoke. Turning back to your friends and table, you put on a warm smile. "Whose a girl?" he asked again, looking very confused.

"Sirius" you chuckled, "He's such a girl" Your three friends all laughed loudly at this, seeming to have bought your words. Looking back over your shoulders, you watched William get up with his…no her friends and make her way out of the hall and to her first lesson.

**

* * *

**

William's point of View

"Charity gets worse every lesson" groaned Sirius, walking swiftly away from the room by your side, "I swear if she hits on me one more time I'm going to report her for sexual harassment". Snorting, you shook your head wishing Remus had been around to hear Sirius' latest piece of brilliance.

"You know she prefers me" chuckled James from your other side, "But now I've got Lily she's had to back up. Even Charity's not stupid enough to get on the wrong side of my redhead even if my body is irresistible." Clutching your sides lightly, you tried to remain standing as you laughed at their randomness. This discussion had started half way through Muggle studies when Professor Burbage had snapped at Sirius to pull up his trousers, because _"No one wants to see your backside, no matter how fine you may believe it to be"_. This had lead to Sirius concocting some crazy notion that Burbage happened to be in love with him and pining after his fine behind, leading to James putting forward the argument that she was only looking at Sirius so she could get over him.

"Dream on Potter" Sirius stated in his favourite pompus tone, "Everyone can tell she's desperate to go Black" Stopping you had to use a wall to support yourself. "Once you've gone Black, you never go back" he crowed loudly.

"With a body as lush as mine I don't need to dream" James countered, "It's a reality for me, unlike you who only gets action in his head". Sirius playfully shoved James for this comment. By this point you were sliding down the wall, laughing so hard that you were struggling to breath.

"I think you're getting me confused with Willy over there" Sirius declared playfully, "He seems to think having a perverted teacher interested in us is funny. I'm hurt Mr Maxwell, truly hurt!"

"Willy" James snorted, allowing everyone to know where his mind had now gone, "I think you might be the perverted one Padfoot, thinking about IWillies/I like that". Gasping for breath, you rocked a bit on the floor, unable to stop laughing.

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT" Sirius squealed, turning bright red and stuttering a bit, "I meant William, not Willy. Don't Laugh"

"Drama Queen" James chuckled, "Perverted, loud and with a voice like a girl. No wonder you love your Gay offs"

"It's a pout off" you managed to gasp, "If you're going to reference it, at least get it right".

"Yeah" added Sirius, seeming to have forgotten his issue with you for the moment. As if on que his lips formed into an award winning pout, causing a few girls close by to sigh dreamily at their idol.

"You get Gayer every day" James laughed, walking over to you and leaning against the wall, "You're such a princess, don't get your pretty pink knickers in a twist cupcake." You collapsed into another round of laughter.

"At least I'm not whipped" Sirius shot back, a wicked grin on his face, "Evans has got you round her little finger, your totally whipped, like a little girl".

"Damn right I am" laughed James, "Wouldn't have it any other way. At least I get laid regularly". Sirius gazed at James in respect, whilst you instantly stopped laughing. You knew Lily had never slept with anyone, never mind James, so you wondered why he was trying to make people believe she had.

"Wow" chuckled Sirius, "You must be getting a lot to be so content being whipped". Suddenly his eyebrows shot up. "Or are you bwhipped/b?" Both him and James broke up in laughed at the dirtiness of their minds.

"You guys are to much" you muttered, getting off the floor and grinning at them, "get your minds out of the gutters, PLEASE"

"Watch out Padfoot" James laughed loudly, "Virgin walking". They both laughed loudly at this. "Don't worry Will" James continued to tease, "You'll get some eventually".

"At least I don't lie about it" you shot back with a wicked smirk, "Don't deny it either Potter, I'm good mates with Lily as well as you. I know that she has yet to do it with you". His jaw dropped at your declaration, seeming shocked that you would dare correct him.

"Your so full of yourself Prongs" Sirius laughed, pointing at his best friend and laughing in his face, "Two Virgins walking!!" Shaking your head at the sudden constant use of that phrase, you began heading off towards the library to do some work before dinner.

"Don't you mean THREE" yelled James, walking backwards beside you and barely managing to remain standing as you began descending the stairs, "You'd of told me if any of this fan girls got into your pants Padfoot, unless your saying Will is less innocent than he seems". Holding your hands up you grin at him.

"Innocent as a baby" you laughed, "Although Charity has been trying to change that". The magic phrase. Within seconds the conversation was back at its source.

"You wish Maxwell" Sirius laughed, "She only has eyes for me and my fine backside". Laughing along with them you went to turn the corner to the library, but were stopped by Sirius' arm. "No you don't" he chuckled, "You owe us some boys time". Looking at him sceptically, you rose your eyebrow in a silent question.

"Yeah" agreed James, "You're always revising or working on some homework. We've been thinking you forgot us. Anyway you're making us slackers look bad".

"It's not hard to make you look bad" you joked, rolling your eyes, "Ever thought it might be worth you two actually trying to do some work?"

"And make our pretty little heads explode?" gasped Sirius, shoving you playfully, "We'll stick to pranking and Quiditch. Speaking of which…" You looked cautiously between the pair, reading their expressions and knowing you'd have to work twice as long after Astronomy because there was no way you'd be working now.

"Fine" you gave in, "But only for an hour, I want to check on the firsties before dinner". Both of your friends chuckled at this, throwing their arms over your shoulders and manoeuvring you towards the Quiditch field, as if afraid you might suddenly change your mind and run off in a fit of revision.

"You're not their mother" laughed Sirius as you walked across the grounds, "You don't have to check on them all the time, I'm sure they'll survive". Rolling your eyes, you shook your head, knowing that he was right.

"I know" you sighed, "But they've been acting rather oddly lately, especially that hell raiser of a cousin of yours".

"All Ravenclaw's act odd if you ask me" teased James, punching your shoulder lightly, "Shouldn't worry about it, it's probably normal". Laughing along with them, you pushed James jokingly as you reached the edge of the pitch.

"Got the key Prongs?" Sirius finally asked, looking around, "Or did you forget again?" Turning to you, he rolled his eyes, reminding you of the few times you had played with them since James had been made captain and he had forgotten the keys to the Changing rooms and store cupboard.

"Course" James growled back in a pissed off tone which would of fooled you if he hadn't had the stupidest grin on his face. Pulling them out of his pocket he held them up with pride. "I'm the only Gryffindor with a set of these" he said in a oddly cutely proud tone, "My responsibility to keep them safe".

"Yoink" and suddenly James was no longer holding the keys.

"Give 'em back Padfoot" yelled the petulant tones of James as he gave chase to Sirius. Grinning at their antics, you walked over to the store, noticing that the door was already open as you had expected it to be. Madam Hooch had held another flying class only a few hours previous and you knew that she always left it open in the hopes some of her students might break a few school rules to practice. Grabbing a newer looking Cleansweep, you left the cupboard before stopping short. James and Sirius were holding their very own wrestling match before your eyes.

"Honestly" you yelled, rolling your eyes in an extravagant manner so they could see, "You're worse than my firsties". Grinning wickedly, you approached them, a plan already forming in your head. "But if you want to hump each other, I'll give you some privacy" you continued in an off hand manner, "I have some homework I could do…"

"NO" both boys snapped, before James and pounced on you, the broom rolling a few metres away as you hit the ground.

"How dare you calls up gay" Sirius joked, beginning to tickle your sides mercilessly. Squirming, you tried to escape from under James, and away from Sirius' tickling. "Keep him down James" Sirius instructed, "Now take it back Maxwell". Shaking your head, you laughed loudly, still trying to escape. "Fine" and with that he set in even worse, encouraging James to join in tickling you. After a few minutes you were gasping for breath, little squeaks of laughter still escaping from within the gasps. "Do you take it back?" he asked again, his face hovering just above your own. Locking your eyes with his own, you thought you saw him bite his lip and his eyes darken a little, but you put it down to your oxygen deprived brain. Nodding slowly, you felt James grip loosen on you.

"I take it back" you managed to gasp, "I don't have homework I could do". Sticking your tongue out, you expected to be attacked by tickles once more, but it didn't happen. Sirius just kept staring down at you, a cheesy grin on his face.

"Knew you'd finished it all already" he finally said, before leaning back and looking at James, "I'll go get the balls out and a broom for me. Don't let Maxwell escape. I don't trust him not to run away".

"Aye Aye captain" James sniggered, not getting off you as Sirius jumped up and walked off. Sirius quickly left your eye line, but you watched James keep watching as he entered the store cupboard. "Bossy Wanker" James finally muttered, his eyes flicking down to you, "Want to warm up whilst he digs out the box?"

"Sure" you agreed readily, "Got your broom then?". He got up, before fishing in his robes pocket and extracting a miniature version of his broom. Getting up, you watched as he placed it down, before aiming his wand at it. Suddenly, where the miniature had laid, was the full size version, showing just how obsessive James was when it came to Quiditch and flying. "Geek"

"Don't make me take you down again" he warned with a grin, mounting his broom and zooming off into the air with a whoop. Quickly grabbing the school broom you were borrowing, you followed him, amazed at how quick this broom actually was. You had gotten used to them always being basic and half the speed of even the cheapest broom you could currently buy. This one would of given the cheapest broom on the market a bit of competition in a race, if not actually beating it.

"Hooch will be happy" you laughed, hovering beside James, if a little unstably, "Bet she went into shock when they actually got some broom actually made this century". Snorting, you tried to imagine the excentric teacher looking shocked.

"Surprised she didn't have a heart attack" James agreed, "Maybe that's what Dumblee-Door was going for. Wants to get rid of her without actually firing her". Sniggering along with him, you opened your mouth to add to the joke.

"**WATCH OUT**"

**

* * *

**

Sirius' Point of view

You knew James would let William up the moment you were out of sight. It had been obvious in the way he had agreed to your orders. When William had vanished into the store room, James had been quick to ask you what was going on between the pair of you. It wasn't like you could tell him the truth though, so you had just fogged him off by saying you didn't know what he was talking about. You had an odd suspicion he might be currently asking William the same question, and you couldn't help but wonder why William had forgiven you so readily. Sighing deeply, you dug your way through the mess which was the store cupboard. Noticing a box of balls under a few bags of spare uniforms, you grabbed it, pulling it out and not caring where the uniforms fells. The majority of them were Slytherin anyway, they had never had a female player on their team for as long as you had known, but the school always had the same number of girls uniforms for them as for every other team. Lifting the box deftly, you walked to the doorway before remembering the broom. Putting it down, you ducked back inside, and grabbed the first broom you saw, a rather old comet 180. Stepping back into the daylight, you looked over at the pitch, not seeing where your friends had gone. Suddenly you heard the laughter which always made your heart skip a beat. Looking up you saw James and William hovering beside each other, seeming to be joking about something. Leaning down, you opened the box, your eyes still locked on William's laughing face. Even from this distance he seemed to glow with happiness. You knew that you were in deep. No matter how much you tried to deny it, it was seeming very likely that you might actually be gay. You had never felt like this for any girl you had ever met, and every second you spent with William only made you more certain that you never would. Reaching into the box, you felt over the balls, until you found the clasp to the strap holding what you thought was the Quaffle in. But a second later you realized your mistake. A bright red Bludger zoomed past your arm, barely missing it, and straight up at your laughing friends. Gasping deeply, you tried to warn them, but your voice wouldn't come. Gulping deeply, you knew that this was going to be bad. Taking a deep breath you tried again, hoping it wasn't to late.

"**WATCH OUT"** you managed to bellow this time, attracting both of your friends attention. James reacted almost instantly, swerving away from the hurtling ball, before falling behind it in the hope to catch it. William wasn't as quick. He swerved his broom, getting it out of the way, but the Bludger adjusted quicker than William could escape, slamming into his side. You couldn't hear them from this distance, but you could imagine the sickening crack which had occurred when it made contact with his side, and it was all your fault for not paying attention. James had managed to catch it by the time you stopped blaming yourself and turned back to your friends. Running across the pitch, you reached William's side as he shakily stepped off the broom, looking shockingly pale and making you feel a million times worse. "I'm sorry" you muttered softly, trying to work out the best way to help, "I'm so sorry".

"It's not your fault" he told you quietly, smiling over at you and meeting your eyes. You felt like kicking yourself as your mind instantly wandered off into its own dirty thoughts as those overly large eyes met yours, it was so wrong, especially seeing as he was currently hurt.

"I should have been more careful" you found yourself saying, walking by his side to the edge of the pitch without taking your eyes away from his face.

"It was an accident" he laughed, "I should have been paying better attention, like James was. No harm done". You bit your lip, wondering what you could say. Deep down you were terrified he might need to see the matron again, and after yesterdays incident and how close you had come to losing his friendship, you didn't want to be the one to bring it up. "Hey James" William suddenly called making you jump, looking around, you found James kneeling by the Quiditch ball box, shutting it after managing to put the Bludger away. He looked over at the pair of you, a grin on his face.

"Yeah" you yelled back, checking the box was secure before getting up and walking over to you.

"Can I borrow the keys?" William asked softly when James had reached your side, "You have bandages and bruise-be-gone in your changing room right? Or is it just us brainiacs who think of things like that?"

"Cupboard by the girls showers" James informed him, handing over the key without a question, "But if it hurts tomorrow, your going to the Hospital wing, like it or not". Shaking his head, William grinned at the pair of you, before walking off towards the Gryffindor changing rooms.

"Was the strap lose when you opened it?" James asked suddenly, drawing your attention away from the swaying backside, "It's those bloody Hufflepuff's, they never put them away correctly".

"Yeah" you murmured, smiling apologetically over at him, "I'm sorry about that, I should have been more careful opening it. I just didn't think that it would get out". Chuckling, James patted you reassuringly on the back.

"I should of warned you" he finally said, looking across the pitch. Silence fell over the pair of you. "How will we get him to the hospital wing this time?" James finally asked, breaking the silence with the unwelcome question.

"With difficulty" you sighed, "Leave me out of it though. Last night was bad enough, don't want to push him so much that we are no longer friends".

"I'll do it this time" James sighed, "We can all take it in turns to push him whenever he needs to go". Nodding, you began to wonder where William had gotten to. Applying the bruise salve and bandages doesn't take to long.

"I'm off to check on him" you muttered, "He might need help with the bandage or something. See you back in the common room". Without waiting for an answer, you walked swiftly towards the changing room, worry eating you up inside. James hadn't said whether he had heard William's ribs crack, but your mind was playing over the worst scenarios, ones involving internal bleeding and possible death thanks to his hospital fears. You didn't know what you'd do if you found him unconscious again and had to fight him just so he would be alright. Pushing the door open, you stopped dead, your jaw dropping.

**

* * *

**

William's Point of view

It had been your fault. A lot of things were your fault lately. Maybe that was why Autumn had left you. When you had heard Sirius' shout you had instantly worried about Autumn, but she wasn't there. She hadn't been there all day. Now Sirius was blaming himself for the rogue Bludger, and your bruised ribs. If you hadn't been so worried about Autumn, then you would have been about to swerve quicker, possibly staying out of the way long enough for James to catch it. It had been your fault.

"Autumn" you murmured weakly, "I'm sorry, for everything". Silence just filled the room, making you feel even more alone. Pulling off your shirt, you regarded your reflection in the mirror. Your familiar control bandages looked almost brown against your currently pale skin. The reflection before you was virtually ill. Thinner than it should have been, although there was still a rather obvious figure, even with the bandages, a figure which you shouldn't of had. Undoing your daily bandages, you regarded the already purple bruise from where the bludger had hit you. From the shape of the bruise, you guessed one of your ribs was probably broken, but you would take a healing draft later. You knew James had meant his threat of taking you to the Hospital wing if you still weren't better in the morning. The face wound might have been healed without any awkward questions, but this one wouldn't be as lucky. Letting the bandage fall, you gazed at the sickly girl in the mirror, wondering how Autumn had ended up looking so ill. "I'll make sure we get more sleep, and eat more" you told her softly, "I promise, I'll take better care of you sis, like you did for me". Turning round, you grabbed one of the control bandages from the first aid kit which you had placed on the bench. You didn't feel up to applying the bruise salve yet, you just needed to get some healing draft and have a lay down before doing anything else. Unrolling it, you tried to wrap it around your chest, like you always did, but your arm didn't have its usual movement, making it harder. Dropping the bandage accidentally, you bent down again. Straightening up, your eyes landed on Sirius' shocked face, his eyes taking in your full appearance silently. Your secret had been discovered.

"Run" Autumn's quiet voice ordered, seeming as panicked as you felt. Listening to her words, you grabbed your shirt, pulling it on and pocketing both your old and new bandages before bolting.

"WILL" you heard Sirius yell behind you, but the flight instinct didn't let up.


	7. Breaking Point

DISCLAIMER: I Do Not Own Harry Potter or any of that world, and if you thought i did, then there is this special place for people like you!

**_This Chapter is Dedicated to Lu, thanks for all the help huni!_**

* * *

**Wi****lliam's Point of view**

A Week from hell, but finally it was over, only bringing more problems. It had been four days since Sirius had discovered the truth about Autumn, and he had been trying to catch you alone ever since. It was amazing how crafty you could be when you needed to be. Waiting to hear voices before leaving the Room of Requirements, starting conversations with anyone whenever you saw Sirius making a Beeline for you. Skipping breakfast, and begging one of the many House Elves to bring you a meal in the Room of Requirements, insisting that you just had to much work to do, which they always seemed to believe. God bless being a Ravenclaw. You were just glad you had never shared the Room of Requirements location with him, it would have been impossible to escape him if he knew where you hid yourself between classes and at night. George had told you that he had shown up at the Ravenclaw dormitory for the last four nights, and insisted on sleeping there until you returned. This only led to several uncomfortable questions about why the pair of you had fallen out and why you wouldn't even talk to him to sort it out. But in the end they just left you alone with your decision, although you had heard Remus hissing to a younger student that you were just grumpy with Sirius due to being over worked and tired. They had no idea. Unfortunately the weekend only brought another problem you had originally intended to skip. The end of term, fancy dress party for all fourth years and over. For the last three years, you and Sirius had joined forces, creating the best outfits you could manage, and entertaining everyone all evening by your antics. But now you were alone, and didn't even want to risk seeing Sirius in an environment where he could easily get you alone. You had intended to slink off to the Room of Requirements the moment lessons ended and hide out there all night, where no one could find you or force you to join the fun. That plan hadn't worked out though, thanks to Katherine cornering at the end of Potions and informing you that she had sat up all the previous night designing and creating your costume for you.

"I knew you would have forgotten" she informed you sweetly, "All that work you've been doing, half the time I think you're forgetting to eat, never mind anything else". Smiling sweetly at her, you had tried to tell her you weren't going, but then she got upset and you felt guilty due to all the effort she had apparently put in. That's how you found yourself in Jeans and a leather jacket, hair gelled back, with Kat hanging off your arm, insisting she was a Pink Lady whilst you were a T-Bird. Apparently she had been plotting with the others, because the moment you entered the Great Hall, James, Lily, George, Finn, Rouge and Remus appeared, all sporting versions of the outfit's the pair of you were wearing.

"OMG" Lily squealed bouncing over and hugging you tightly, "I can't believe you managed to persuade him Kat". Grinning weakly, you tried to relax, noticing that Sirius was no where around. Perhaps he suspected that you were going to skip the party, so had also skipped it in hopes of finding you.

"Well I couldn't let you guys have all the fun" you teased back, trying to fall into your usual banter which had once come so easily to you. Joking together, you all moved towards an empty table to set up base before the dancing began.

"I still don't know why we're wearing this stuff" stated as you all took your respective seats, "Yes I know Lily, It's a muggle film, but still not many people will understand it or even get it". Chuckling weakly, you tried to agree with Remus, knowing that most people would just see it as you all copying each other, instead of all your costumes being different characters from one film. Sighing deeply, Lily rolled her eyes and you got the distinct impression that she had had this argument several times over the past couple of days.

"Where's Sirius?" Katherine suddenly asked, cutting through in imminent argument and preventing it from occurring, "I thought you guys were going to try and get him here". James and Remus both mumbled something inaudibly, looking down at the table in a subconscious way. "Don't tell me I managed to get William the Stuborn here, whilst you two couldn't even manage to persuade Sirius-the-party-king-Black to make an appearance" The two boys blushed a bit, and you got the distinct impression that far to much planning had gone into tonight, and it all revolved around Sirius and your own friendship or the current lack there of. "You should be ashamed of yourselves" Katherine scolded before grinning wickedly, "But he might still show, when he realizes Will is actually here and not stuck with his head in a book somewhere". Sticking your tongue out, you tried to hide the sudden fear you felt at the prospect of Sirius' actually showing.

"Yeah" agreed James loudly, "He's spent the whole week hunting for you Will! I don't know why you're revising so much, it's months until the exams"

"They'll be here before you even realize it James-mi-boy" you teased, "Better to be prepared than to live to regret it!".

"I've been telling him that all term" Lily informed you with a sigh, "But he never heeds my warnings". Smiling at her, you tried to ignore the polite cough which one of your assembled friends had issued whilst Lily was talking. "Oh I mean…" she gasped colouring a little, before regaining her composure, "You don't need to revise like you do Will, you are one of the cleverest Wizards of our age ever to have come through Hogwarts. We all think you need to take more breaks, we miss you".

"Yeah" agreed George from across the table, "You don't even sleep in the dormitory anymore. Do you fall asleep in the library or something? Because Will, that's really Geeky, even for a Ravenclaw". Sighing, you tried to smile reassuringly whilst thinking over the best words to use to ease their minds whilst allowing you to remain solitary for the majority of your free time.

"Your right" you finally said, "But I still worry about all the work. It's just who I am, and you wouldn't like me any other way." Remus grunted a little at this, seeming to know you were trying to fog them off politely. "I will try and be about more in future though" you conceded, not making any promises, but saying enough to give them hope.

"Fine" Katherine agreed, "But don't think this is over mister. So who wants to dance?"

* * *

Leaning against the wall, you surveyed the hall. Watching all the happy couples dancing made your heart drop a little. You knew that you could never know the happiness they knew, but still you longed for it, just for one moment. Sighing deeply, you slowly slipped out of the hall, wondering how long it would be before someone realized you were no longer there. They were all so happy together, laughing and joking like typical teenagers, whilst you felt like an outsider, alone and afraid. It would probably be better if you just isolated yourself, cutting everyone you called friend out of your life before anyone else found out the truth. Drifting mindlessly through the corridors, you wondered about what your life would be like once you graduated and whether your friends would actually allow you to disappear into nothingness, as if you had never existed.

"I think we should talk" murmured a gruff voice beside your ear, as strong hands gripped the tops of your arms, holding you in place, "Autumn". Freezing, you could feel his warm breath against your neck as he waited for your response. The seconds ticked by in silence, your mind running over every escape plan it could think of. Laughter floated up from the Great Hall in an almost eerie fashion, sending a chill down your spine. "You've been avoiding me" he finally continued, his voice still little more than a growl like whisper, "Stop Hiding".

"I don't know what you're talking about" you managed to whimper, wishing your voice didn't sound so weak and scared. He tensed at your words, holding you stiffly against him. "Let me go" you continued softly, "Please, just let me go". You didn't expect him to listen to your plea, so when his grip loosened slightly you couldn't help but gasp in surprise.

"Will you run if I let go?" he whispered by your ear, his voice sounding a lot more gentle suddenly. Shaking your head No, you wondered if he would believe the lie or see straight through such an obvious lie. There was a pause where you could almost hear him thinking. The seconds ticked by as you wondered if you would be able to escape. Slowly his right hand loosened and then let go of your upper arm, and when you didn't pull in an attempt to escape, his left hand also let go. Stepping forward slowly in the rouse of turning to meet his eye, you suddenly ducked down and away from his grip, and bolted. You could hear his pounding feet following close behind, as your heart thundered in your ears. Twisting through the corridors and secret passage ways, you prayed you would reach and enter the Room of Requirements before Sirius caught you. All of the childish chasing games the pair had indulged in over the years had left you in no doubt of how fast and nimble the Gryffindor was. Skidding around the final corner you saw the blank wall which hid your favourite hiding place. Thinking as hard as you could about your room you sprinted the rest of the distance, watching the door slowly materialize.

**"WILL….AUTUM****N**" bellowed Sirius' annoyed tones as he to turned the corner. Reaching the door, you yanked it open, slipping inside and trying to close the door before Sirius reached it. You were to Slow. Just as you thought you had managed it, Sirius' foot appeared, preventing the door from closing as more. With all your strength you tried to hold the door in place, as you felt him begin pulling from his side. Slowly you began sliding forward as his strength proved superior to your own. You had trapped yourself, and not only had you shown Sirius the location of the Room of Requirements, but you had also been to slow to prevent him from entering it. With one final yank, he managed to wrench the door from your grasp and enter. Tumbling to the floor, you felt your walls collapsing around you. "Autumn" Sirius snapped, collapsing beside you, and gripping your shoulders harshly, holding you down, "We are going to talk about this, like it or not". Laying still, you closed your eyes, tears leaking from between the lids. There was no point fighting anymore, you had lost. Lost everything you were and had been trying to protect. You could feel Sirius' eyes boring into the side of your face as he kept you pinned beneath him. Memories flashed behind your eyes, causing the tears to come more readily. A face identical to yours, grinning and promising mischief as your older sister cried.

"**William's dead**" Sirius' voice was cold and harsh, eating away at your soul and freezing your blood.

"No" you managed to whimper, thrashing your head from side to side, "I'm William". A dog like growl followed this statement, something you had heard Sirius do several times during the years when he was annoyed, but very rarely towards you.

"He died" he whispered right beside your ear, "You survived Autumn! You Survived!".

"No" you gasped, trying to struggle against his insistent grip on your shoulders, "You're lying. You're delusional! Why are you lying?".

"How can I be lying" he growled deeply, shaking your shoulders slightly and causing you to meet his eyes, "Look at you."

"I'm William" you whimpered, breaking eye contract and trying to escape his grasp, "Autumn Died, I saw her die. You're just lying!" Tears continued to trickle down your face as your head tried to sort through your memories.

"I'm not lying" he muttered, his voice a lot less angry and more worried than it had been previously, "You are Autumn Maxwell not William Maxwell, a terrible thing happened to you, but you must stop hiding from it". Shaking your head, you tried to deny his words. "Please Autumn" he whispered sadly, "Stop running from the truth, stop hiding".

"I know the truth" you gasped, "I'm William, that's the truth". Biting your lip, you felt a shooting pain in your right shoulder as you continued trying to escape. "He…I didn't die" you continued softer, "He wouldn't leave me".

"Yes you do know the truth" Sirius pushed, "You said He, you know who you are Autumn. Stop fighting the truth and just admit it". Turning your head away from him, you gazed across the floor towards the familiar fire which twin had once been in your childhood bedroom.

"I'm William" you said slowly, your voice eerily soft, "I did not die, I am right here". Sirius groaned, knowing that the slight progress he had made into your psyche wasn't enough.

"You're Autumn" he growled by your ear, "I saw the truth the other day, so don't deny it". Closing your eyes, you tried to ignore his insistent voice. "You're beautiful" he continued, "The most beautiful lady I have ever seen. Please don't hide your beauty, not any more". Slowly his right hand slid from your shoulder and down your chest, pushing up your t-shirt and brushing over the familiar bandage. "Autumn" he whisper, his breath warming your neck, "Don't deny me Autumn, Don't deny who you really are".

"Stop it" you managed to gasp, his actions feeling so alien yet giving you what you had always thought would remain denied to you until the end of time, "You're delusional Sirius". Yanking his hand from your top, he turned your head so he once again met your eyes. "I'm William" you said softly, trying to remain firm in your words, even as you felt your resolve crumbling, "She gave her life for me to live, I am William".

"You are Autumn, no matter what you pretend" he growled before his lips suddenly connected with your own. A firm pressure against your lips. Your eyes shot open as you realized what he was doing. This wasn't just one of his games, he was actually kissing you and you liked it, more than you had thought was even possible. "Please Autumn" he whispered right next to your lips, "Let go of the memory". You just lay still, your eyes locked with the ceiling. Blood. A vivid memory of blood flashed before your eyes, something you had kept locked away for so long. His soothing voice telling you he would be alright, that he would never leave.

"No" you whispered without realizing it, "No". Slowly Sirius kissed you again, softer and slower, massaging your still lips with his own.

"Let me help you" he murmured as he broke the kiss, "Let me be the friend you deserve, let me help you. Tell me what happened that day. Why you're broken, please". Flicking your eyes back to his own, you tried to ignore the more and more vivid memories of the accident.

"It was raining" you whispered, feeling like you were drowning in the rush of memories, "We didn't want to wear our rain coats though, they were yellow. Mum liked yellow". Falling silent you remembered the mischief the pair of you had caused with those coats. It had taken her three days to find them when you had shoved them in the air conditioning vent. "We were going out somewhere for dinner" you slowly said, memories slotting into place and making it harder and harder to speak, "We don't want to go, dad had given us a new toy and we wanted to stay at home and play with it". Sirius remained silent, listening to your words and giving you time to remember in the hopes it would cure you. Blood, there was so much blood, but you didn't want to look, you didn't want to remember. "Mum put us in the car, next to each other" you whispered, your voice getting weaker with each moment, "She never let us sit next to each other, but she did then, said that we could if we behaved". You felt strange, like you were floating somewhere between the past and the present. "We didn't behave" you chocked out, blood becoming more and more vivid in your head, "Daddy didn't see the lorry, until it hit us…it was our fault, if we had been good he would of seen it, he would of stopped".

"It's not your fault" Sirius soothed, wiping away your tears with his free hand, but his grip on your other shoulder remaining strong, "You were children, it was an accident, probably caused by the rain." You had fallen silent, not wanting to talk about what came next, about the blood. "Did you pass out?" Sirius finally asked, "Do you remember anything else? Tell me what happened with William to make you unable to let go"

"Cold" you mumbled, not registering your words, "So cold and alone. It's Dark!" His warm hand against your cheek was like a rock, holding the last part of your sanity together in the storm of memories.

"Tell me why you couldn't let go" Sirius pushed, his voice soft and gentle, urging you to respond.

"Crying. Someone was crying" you managed to say, your eyes darting around the room, unseeing, "I was crying, so afraid, but he was there. He held my hand and promised it'd be alright. So cold. His hand was freezing". The sirens were ringing in your head, deafening you to reality. "I couldn't let go" you whimpered softly, "I won't let go".

"You need to let go" Sirius' voice spoke over the sirens, sending them back into your memories where they belong, "He's gone, just like the rest of your family. You need to stop living in the past." There was so much blood.

"No! He Promised" you gasped, the last time you had seen William's face freezing before your eyes, destroying reality. You didn't realize when Sirius' grip loosened, or notice when he pulled you into his embrace. All you could see was the stone white face of your brother, blood staining his perfect skin forever. Crimson blood covering the only person who had ever really mattered, and drowning you in grief. "He said he'd never leave me" you sobbed softly, "Why did he lie?"

"Shh" Sirius tried to sooth, not even breaking through to you, as your mind replayed over and over your twins last breath. The day your soul died. "It's alright Autumn" he continued to sooth, "I'm here, I'll always be here!" You were falling, suffocating on emptiness. Held in his tight embrace you found yourself free falling, and you no longer cared.

* * *

**Sirius' Point of View**

"A Nervous Breakdown" Madam Tilder muttered darkly, pacing around the room and grabbing odd things before replacing them again, seeming unsure of what she needed, "And I wouldn't be surprised if she's suffered from a psychological breakdown as well". You knew her comments were aimed at you, but you were to worried about your best friend and the only person who you ever truly loved, to care what she was saying. "What were you thinking Mr Black?" she scolded roughly, stopping to glare at you in a murderous manner, before resuming her weird pacing activities. Her question rang in your ears. You weren't sure what you had been thinking, you just wanted Autumn to admit the truth, make your feelings alright because they would be for a girl not a boy. You wanted Autumn to be alright so she could be yours. That was all you were thinking, childish, lust filled thoughts, completely selfish. "These things demand caution and understanding" she snapped roughly, "And you just went in like a bull in a china shop. She might never recover thanks to your stupidity". That hurt. It cut you straight to the bone, stealing the breath from your lungs. All you wanted was for her to be alright, to be able to talk to her and make her fall in love with you, but you had probably broken her even worse than she had already been broken.

"Calm down" Dumbledore's voice interrupted, causing you both to jump and look at the door where the old head now stood, "He was just trying to help his friend the only way he knew how". Shooting a reassuring smile at you, he walked into the hospital wing and over the Autumn's bed, regarding her in a father like manner. "I am sure that he knows his friend a lot better than us" he continued, turning back to the pair of you and placing a calming hand on Madam Tilder's shoulder, "After all he was the only one who realized the truth". Hearing him say that made a weight lift from your shoulders. It wasn't your fault that Autumn had been such a brilliant actress that only you had seen through her disguise, and that was after over six years by her side. "I'm sure he will know how strong she is" he was saying, "If he thinks that she can beat this and return to her old self, then I'm sure she will". Although he hadn't said the exact words, you got the distinct impression that Dumbledore approved of your actions even if he wasn't so sure about the method.

"Sir" you suddenly interrupted, not even realizing you had decided to speak before you hear your voice, "would it be alright if I sat with her?". You knew that even if he denied you, that you would still find a way to be beside her until she recovered. It was your fault she was so ill, so you were going to see it through and be by her side through everything. "I think she will need someone she knows near her when she wakes" you continued, your eyes locked with Dumbledore's in a silent plee.

"I will not…" Madame Tilder began, sounding disgusted by the idea, only to be silenced by Dumbledore's raised hand.

"I believe that would be best" he informed you solemnly, "I think I do not need to warn you of how serious this all is Mr Black". Nodding slightly, your expression remained emotionless. "If you choose to remain by her side now" he continued, seemingly thinking over his words carefully, "Then you must be ready to support her through everything. You wouldn't be able to back out once she's woken". Nodding in understanding, you finally turned to see the pale girl lying in the white bed, seeming to small and fragile suddenly.

"I will never leave her to her demons again" you murmured softly, making the promise to her sleeping form, "I will not let her have another reason to cry". Her words were still ringing in your mind. Her barely audible ranting about the cold and being alone. She had seemed so scared when she had said alone, and you had suddenly realized why she had never let go of William. Madame Tilder and Dumbledore walked off towards her office, discussing Autumn, leaving you with her in silence. "Hey trouble" you whispered, sitting beside her and holding her hand tightly, wondering if she could sense you there, "Get better soon love". Falling silent, you watched the slight rise and fall of her chest as she slept on. "I love you!" you whispered after several minutes, before resting your head on the bed, gazing at her serene face. Through the crack in the door, the voices of your fellow class mates floated in as they made their way back up from the dance, unaware of the drama which had occurred. And still she slept on.


End file.
